Secret Menu is a dick move. My daughter worked for Starbucks and that shit was annoying as fuck. She would have a line out the door, 25 drink cups on the bar and some asshole would insist on having his/her secret menu drink. What’s worse is they don’t always have the ingrediants as some syrups are seasonal. Every try…

YAY YES THANK YOU

I will never forgive the person that started the Starbucks secret menu website. It made my time there hell. I had so many people look at me like I was an idiot when I didn’t know what went in a banana split frappicino or a birthday cake one. No. Stop. Order off the damn menu that already has like 50 options and stop…

“All American citizens should be protected.”

Apparently when a woman gets pregnant, her citizenship is sucked out of her and into the unborn baby.

I mean, the 14th Amendment says “natural born”, so since they’re unborn it’s pretty clear that they aren’t American citizens. Come on Huckabee, I thought you venerated the Constitution!

Every time I see his Christian-Sharia loving fat face I just think...

But he argued that scientific advancements have now verified that unborn babies are human beings — information he said wasn’t necessarily available when the Supreme Court issued its 1973 Roe v. Wade decision.

THERE WILL BE NO LIMIT TO THE NUMBER OF WOMEN I WILL KILL IN ORDER TO KEEP THEM FROM ACCESSING MEDICAL CARE!

Yes, what American needs is a true Christian, a man with the moral fortitude to shackle pregnant women to hospital beds until they are forced to give birth against their wishes.

Banned foods include everything that make this wretched existence worth suffering through for another day.

Banned foods include alcohol, coffee, soda, dairy, meat, pasta, starchy grains and refined sugar.

Not only is it bullshit, it’s also on the list of Absurd New-Agey 100% Science-Free Cures that people will throw your way as soon as they hear that you or someone in your family has cancer. Fun times.

“When you’re acidic, you’re toxic and a breeding ground [for germs],”

I didn’t realize that clear pee had anything to do with acid/alkaline status. Pretty sure it just means you’re well-hydrated. But if that’s what we’re aiming for, I guess I win at life. I had to repeat a urine test at the hospital a couple weeks ago because the first test was so dilute that it wasn’t reliable.…

Cool. This one time, I was camping and it was dark. I turned off my lamp and squatted to #PEE somewhere in the trees. Started to get that feeling somebody’s watching me and heard a distinct... lapping??? noise? So I spun around with my pants down and there was a deer drinking my #PEE straight from the tap, under my…

My urine is so clear it’s probably drinkable!

I thought how clear your pee is indicates how hydrated you are... right? Or is the article saying the same thing? Are we reinventing the wheel? How is babby formed?

All right, that’s it, humanity. Get on the bus, you are going to day camp because you have clearly run out of things to do.