Oh no! Not the chemicals! Next thing I know, you’ll be telling me that there are toxins in it as well!

Well, I am shocked. Shocked! I tell you. How brave this man is to tackle such a unique and difficult topic! What a bold new direction! I’m sure this film will be praised as a pinnacle of modern storytelling, for how many new angles it brings to the current cinematography.

That will be two bucks for the beer. The rape is free.

Here, have some LYSOL. That should help.

Oh, silly school administration. Don’t you know who he is? He’s Justin Bieber, he sells monogrammed coffee thermoses for a living. He can do anything he wants, including crashing your prom.

My general rule of thumb for Facebook posts is: If you wouldn’t say it out loud in company, don’t post it on Facebook. Not everyone needs to know about your racism/sexual habits/hatred for children and unlike in real life, where people forget stupid shit quickly, things stay on the internet forever and can come back…

No, it’s absolutely her own fault. She posted an idiotic thing on a very public forum and now is surprised that people reacted to it.

Give them the slowpoke treatment when they next come, like Gladys suggested above me. When they ask why the service is so slow, just shrug and say: “Well, you’re not gonna tip me anyway, so why should I bother? I’ve got better customers to tend to.”

I never fail to be surprised by the fact that this show is still on air. I used to watch it religiously when I was in High School, but dropped it sometime after Derek’s ex-wife left for Private Practice. For a while, I was convinced that it must have ended already (after all, Breaking Bad and Dexter started later and…

Near the end of my lustrous career I had a drive-through customer who asked for his coffee “stirred twice clockwise, three times counter-clockwise, and four times clockwise.”

I hate when people do that in fast food places.

It’s so annoying how all my friends keep visiting me all the time just because I’m the best cook in our group. Also, an old lady told me today that I’m pretty like a model, but I didn’t really believe her, because come on, nobody with an IQ of 140 can be that pretty, right?

• The baby doesn’t want to meet Camilla.

Conclusion: Nobody likes Camilla. Poor Camilla.

This is the greatest sentence I have read all day.

This is beautiful.

BRB dying

Calling a dead actor a “rising star” seems to be in really bad taste. And here I thought nothing could be more insulting than being this patronizing to Angela Lansbury.

And this is why birth control should be available for everyone who needs it. Maybe it might have made a difference in this case.

So what about us perpetual singletons? How do we fare on the heart disease scale? You mentioned that it’s different for single people, but did not elaborate. Are we better off? Worse?