About that "could be one of us" thing...

Going for the lowest hanging fruit huh?

Other fans can read his obituary during the game against the Nationals this Saturday.

Update: the second baseman was mauled also.

the worst part? it was ruled an infield fly.

Most people wouldn't joke about this, but some of my best friends fell thirty feet from the upper deck.

"Personally, I prefer mail-order to homegrown."

Maybe they wouldn't have been taken to the brink if they had a hitter like Melky in their lineup, though.

Dear Fast and Furious Producers,

The white kid is doing it for the good of the free market. The black kids are doing it because they want a fucking handout just like their welfare queen mothers.

He probably left it out because it wasn't funny.

Don't be stupid. How can our next Great White Hope be black?

Blacks getting money BAD. Rich white kid - he's doing it for the greater good.

this lady needs to be outkast.

Ok, but what if Johnny Manziel were black?

...the Cubs finally succumbed to pressure from MLB, which threatened that if the team ever won a pennant they'd have to host their World Series games at an alternate location.

Just like dad used to make!

I was expressing appreciation for the creation of a new method for me to use to avoid experiencing football.

Did I say I couldn't avoid it before?