You've clearly never checked my basement.

If you live in Southern Indiana, shouldn't you be offering to blow him for some more Oxycontin?

The sheer amount of denial and revisionist history of this comment thread's collective childhood and subsequent parenting philosophy is enough to make Vladimir Putin blush.

The Houston Texans (brought to you by the color beige and the USPS) are a terrible franchise that I am a fan of because I love my city. A few notes:

Never forget: Bill O'Brien was the offensive coordinator at Duke during a 1-22* stretch.

I find American Football utterly boring and uninteresting, but I love reading these write ups that Drew makes. You do a good job at this Drew, you make Football actually sound fun and interesting.

As Denis Leary said - - - "Fruit is for CEREAL not beer!"

Sure, Andy Dalton's not going to win the next six Super Bowls, but he's not going to pay a lot fo- oh Christ he just paid eleven thousand dollars for a new muffler.

I am so profoundly excited that these columns are back. Wonderful to be consuming some fresh haterade as the summer moves back to fall.

Come join 13-year-old Brenna Strong along with her mom, Bea, and her dad, Richard

Don't be fatuous, Jeffrey.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH…

Daaahhhling, me also.

And that is a summation of the American legal system right there.... "A 5.4 earthquake... it's was terrible... woe is me..." - Jesus fucking Christ, really? I can fart a 5.4.

That entire list is nullified by Grape Nuts at number 3. I mean, come on. No one actually enjoys eating Grape Nuts. It physically hurts to eat Grape Nuts.

This isn't really a surprise. I've been a Celtics season ticket holder for 20 years, and according to the guys in my section every NBA referee is gay.

Michael Bay must be directing the sequel

I'd go watch it, but I heard they make you constantly stand up and sit back down again during the movie.

I'm kind of shocked. Based on his history, Bush almost never supports the really veteran guys.