“I turned it off after two minutes.” That. . .that’s not something you should tell strangers, sir. Save that conversation for your primary care physician. o_O

Although this is an outtake, this is Carol Burnett (or really Tim Conway and Vickie Lawrence) for the ages:

Such a good episode.

ABORTIONS FOR SOME! MINIATURE AMERICAN FLAGS FOR OTHERS!!!

I think I’ve just about reached the moment when I would vote for a presidential candidate who actively campaigned on a platform of nihilism. Imagine that fucking debate:

Someone raped it worse, so we’re cool?

Does Michael Sam disappear at the full moon? Just checking.

“Things are not going well for Tiger Woods” has pretty much been true every day since that Thanksgiving turkey with Elin in 2009.

Judging by the thumbnail, not bummed enough to do the Thriller dance.

Looks like some lucky waitress at Perkins is going to get some Tiger stress release tonight!!!

Oh, Shit! He lost his tit-list???...that shit is important! (Unless you meant Titleist, then never-mind)

This reminds me of the Jezebel article about commenters that had cut off contact with their mothers (not sure if it included fathers). People who are that much of an asshole/narcissist/whatever are completely unaware and will generally just assume the problem is with everyone else.

Oh he’s definitely a subscriber:

He grinned at me, lifted his kilt and without even hesitating, flopped his sad, exposed wiener onto our stainless steel counter top.

The story about the cancer-free anniversary “date” is one of the most pathetic things I’ve ever read. That’s some Ralph Wiggum/Lisa Simpson shit right there.