If you do, don't just get an up-front fee, get a slice of the royalties if the book sells past a certain number. I temped in the office of a celebrity book agent, and Susan Powter's ("Stop the Insanity") ghost writer would call once a month threatening to sue if she didn't get royalty money, but her contract was pure…

I kept my last name, but our two kids have my wife's. We're Jewish, and my last name is super goyish (convert), but my wife's is strongly identifiable. I couldn't take her last name because there are no Jews of my generation who go by my first name. It would have made people reading it think I was 40 years older than…

The socialization has to be incredibly early. I had to verify in child development books that my son wasn't a sociopath after he said at age 3, "I'm not playing with her because she's not my friend, and I don't like her" right in front of the girl he was talking about. My daughter would have NEVER done that. Turns…

I feel that the instrumentalist looks too smug when he's on the shaker. You can look that self-satisfied when playing guitar, but the shaker egg cries out for humility.

I've never read her novels, but her (most recent?) book of essays manages to be unbelievably charming. I mean, I couldn't help but love the person she describes herself to be, which is actually not easy because you really can tip over into smug very easily.

I say to my wife at least once a week, "You seem super stressed. If our sexes were reversed, I'd give you oral; but you've made it clear that that's not what you want when you're stressed." And she says, "Thanks man, I appreciate the thought, and if I think of anything you CAN do for me, I'll let you know." Then she…

Is Kirk Cameron quoting that awesome Lucinda Williams song? "You took my joy. Now I want it back. You took my joy. Now I want it back. Maybe in West Memphis I will find my joy! Maybe in West Memphis I will find my joy. Gonna go to West Memphis to look for my joy..." Also, I would like to point out that Kirk is still…

How's the fancy food for the in-laws work for you? I never quite get the response I'm looking for even though I love cooking for almost anyone else. I think maybe they take the good cooking as a kind of rebuke, like "see now your daughter gets delicious healthy food every day." Also, I cook a lot of veggies, and that…

That dude needs to grow the fuck up. 28 and he's acting like 12. Maybe not even 12. Good for you for putting it out there. No shame in that.

Fair point. I was only basing my comment on Tom Friedman's uselessness as a columnist. He is only useful for spank material for the Tom Selleck enthusiasts among us. I might have written him: "Dear Tom, As your columns are truly dreadful, please work yourself back into peak Selleck-ness, so I can wank to your grinning…

Oh... I don't know. When Tom Friedman let himself go, he got ejected from my spank rotation, and, if you've read his columns in the last 15 years, you would know that fapping to his photograph is the ONLY thing they are good for.

It's a sign that things are already not going well. People don't generally think of it, outside of some older folks who want a ritual to amp up a 40th or 50th anniversary, unless one or both people think things are coming apart.

So my wife and I aren't up on current celebrities as archetypes. E.g., if I'm feeling buff, I'm all like "lookin' like Lou Ferigno." Anyway, Goldie Hawn is my wife's go to sex symbol. "Is she a hottie? Some kind of Goldie Hawn?" I'm never quite sure if she's confusing Goldie Hawn with Lonnie Anderson or what because I…

I am married to a rabbi, and her professional experience is also that vow renewal requests (not something she does, so she just gets asked and declines) are a precursor to divorce.

I'm glad they had the one with the $32K since June guy from Atlanta. "Black people think I look like Ashton Kutcher" is such a fantastic line. There's just SO much going on there.

Yeah. I don't mind complaining but be entertaining about it. I feel like getting together with some other parents, they forget the social obligation to be interesting. Kid swearing stories tend to be good. Almost anything that ends, "that's when she threw up in my mouth" is a keeper. Listing the individual times your…

Actually, I think disbanding a frat for poor behavior is relatively complicated because of Wesleyan's internal politics. When the President emailed students to tell them to avoid the frat known as "the rape factory," he got a ton of grief about it from alumni and students. He didn't send the email the next year, and a…

Yeah. She's a slow kicker. That combined with how high she's kicking, and someone in a real fight would grab that leg and throw her down. Punching the way she does is a good cardio workout, but she needs more hip and leg action to get real power. Of course, if she were punching harder, she'd need more than just wraps.…

I believe God is a fan of anything that causes humans to exclaim "Oh, God! Yes!" with such conviction.