I didn't even want to fuck him before, but this sounds awesome.

Well, there goes doing anything productive. STAHP IT! Is it possible to find someone like him in the wild?

Do you really want to advertise to a predominantly female audience that your penis might be small enough to fit inside a half-inch depression in a plastic mouse? I mean, I'm just sayin'.

But can I put my dick in it?

I was once at a dog park and I saw Famke Janssen a little bit near me reading a script while her little dog ran around. Because I wasn't doing anything else, I did a quick IMDB search of her and in the trivia it mentioned she had a dog named "Cinnamon". Anyway, her dog starts playing with my, at the time, new pug…

If you don't like the acting, look at the HAIR or the set decoration for a minute until it comes back. That's what I do for porn!

But say you took that Pillsbury Crescent roll, sprinkled it with broken glass and turned it into an outspoken yoga enthusiast who won't stop trying to talk you into anal — then you have Adam Levine.

He deserves jail but the only thing that kept her from killing someone that night too was luck.

Embarrassing incidents from my youth I'm glad to have outgrown: deciding I'm in love with a dickbag who barely has time to return my calls, thinking it's a good idea to perform an impromptu acapella rendition of Miami by Will Smith, drunk dialing aforementioned dickbag, and thinking that a poncho from Forever 21 was…

"Two word review: shit sandwich."

This is me one upping that asshole.

Oh man, so I've worked in wireless for about 5 years now and I've been observing this trend now since 2008 and the "screen wars" in the 2010s.

This is the biggest thing to hit the Philippines since General Douglas MacArthur's ego.

Fuck the haters. I love my Crocs and was seriously disappointed that Boo is promoting the little charm thingies and NOT a line of doggie Crocs. Because I kinda want a pair for my dog.
Also, to all the people who are going to start jumping down my throat for loving Crocs, I DON'T CARE HOW THEY LOOK, they're simply the…

Came across this while looking for an image for the previous cat stylist article. It's so serendipitous that I had to use it here.

That is all.

If it's a crime to shit down another man's throat, lock me up and throw away the key.

Geez, talk about an offensive lineman, amirite?!?!