After spending the last five years with Kardashian-length hair, I pulled a Kristin Chenoweth-pulling-a-Pam Anderson today. Right after I saw that photo, I ran on my lunch break and got a haircut. I was so scared because it was a place one step beneath a Supercuts (Great Clips?), but I didn't care. It looks fabulous.…

yeah, you guys suck too

Is Hilaria Baldwin now getting paid to Tweet-endorse shit, like Kourtney Khardashian? How much money do people need?

My friend and I went as Florence and the (washing) Machine.

Last year my daughter went as a Binder Full of Women. This year we decided to take it in the other direction, Baby Carlos Danger.

My log does not judge.

I am DinoThor!

Our pup, Lusi, is keeping the faith all day. Got anything to confess?

I decided to make my owl costume this year. Cut hundreds of felt "feathers" and sewed them onto an old dress. Mother was awesome and made the owl hat for me.

Camping one.

He is the one who told me it would be a bad idea to sign up for Christian Mingles, I was like "but I AM Catholic!" and he was all "let's not kid yourself".

OH GOD THE CUTENESS

Renee Zellweger is of Sami descent. Calling her squinty is like calling (part) Asians squinty - mean and racist.

And I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for those feminist cunts, n***a.

I was a big red wine drinker until July of this year. That's when I realized, "huh. I wonder if the nightly consumption of 2-3 glasses of red wine might be contributing to my depression and increasing (and somewhat alarming) lack of desire to be around people of any kind?" I haven't had a drink since July 26 and…

What if you don't have any friends?

Kanye. Shaddap.

Voila! I'm pleased with how this turned out.

Harder than I thought it was going to be.

Yes, a new, wholesome inspiration for us all.