BRING IT!!!! I'm going to write her a letter right now and tell her I love her and that if she wants to run away I will find her and we will go together to the ocean! She can sing sexy love songs and I'll make a can of beans or something. I DON'T KNOW IT'S NOT WORKED OUT YET.

Checking Suri's Burn Book now.

Keep sipping on that haterade.

And so on.

WHEE

Right there with you. When my Girl Scout troop went to Great America I made it to the top of the steps for the Grizzly and turned right back around. That was the start of the

Punctuation, it's important.

Shittier cameras. HD is a bitch.

That is a very Amanda Bynes-y approach to faith, it would seem. But what do I know? I'm a UU. I think you're all just awesome the way you are.

Come to Maryland! We're diverse and fast becoming one of the more liberal states! And we don't elect crazy conservatives.

Speaking of glue factory, I was just reading Madeline in London to my four year old last night. "Some poor old dobbins are made into glue..." That was a fun thing to explain. Almost as fun as explaining what an organ donor is. (Take note, Jezzies. If your kid sees the heart on your driver's license, tell them it…

"He Could Have Been Saved"

So now internet famous cats are going to be richer than me too? What in the holy hell is wrong with me? I have pets and kids and I still haven't found a way to go viral or get one of them a reality show. My American dream is dying before my eyes.

I BET YOU'D WATCH IT THEN! SO WOULD I! THE BIG HUNGER BROTHER GAMES.

Someone needs to invent the Clitoral Fedora.

SCIENCE!

Why aren't they gender neutral? Men have boobs now, too.

I had never cared that much for Beyonce, but that was before she came out in favour of gluten - glorious, glorious gluten. I'm now off to iTunes to buy her entire back catalogue, which I will listen too while eating a loaf of bread (glorious, glorious bread).

You're not a good feminist if you don't, like me, bleed the blood of womanhood all the time! I am the most feminist because I have the most bodily fluids! AND I leave traces of myself everywhere I go!