If my dad was alive, I'd finally admit that yes, it was me that stripped out a spark plug hole on his '64 Pontiac Catalina's 389. I think he knew that already. Never start a spark plug using the wrench....fingers only. Hey...I was 13!

Tsk Tsk. Yet another smoke screen. I have multiple witnesses (three folks I ran into selling oranges this week and another with a squeegee & bucket ) that your beetle was never stolen. They all claim it was an elaborate ruse created to explain it's absence from it's beloved oil spot sheltering duty in front of your…

Just so we have all have the visuals lined up:

504 Diesel?

4. I've never won the Indy 500. The trophy shown at the press conference was a laundry basket inverted and covered in tinfoil. The sculpted faces were made of silver-spray painted chewing gum.

I think you're just lying about lying for clickbait. You are obviously a time pirate.

I want to say manatee?

Side window wipers are used in ice racing :P

I don't think I ever saw that one. Combination pick-up truck and... swimming pool?

6. I never drove a Peugeot 504 through "an elephant rave."

3. The three-way between myself, famed drag racer Shirley Muldowney, and the ghost of Tatra designer Hans Ledwinka never happened.

I forgot she was married to Maury Povich. Turns out he first name is really Constance per the Wiki.

I see a bright future ahead for you at NBC.

10. I did not launch a shoulder-fired missile at any helicopter Brian Williams was in. The newsperson in question was in fact Connie Chung.

7. No carmaker pays me royalties for the development of the folding armrest, adjustable-diameter cupholder, or the yet-to-be-implemented side window wipers.

2. I didn't "invent the modern turbocharger in my basement." I don't even have a basement.