Didn’t even have to wait 12 hours. 

Hurry, CantSleep’s trapped on the escalator at the mall!

Pats Fans at 7AM: Those texts weren’t that threatening! It was hyperbole! What’s the big deal?

Well that escalated, deescalated, escalated and deescalated quickly...

Jerry Jones will convince himself that signing Brown is better than paying Amari Cooper.

I think “pulling off the ol’ double moochy” is what got him into trouble in the first place.

🐀🐀🐀🐀🐀
🐀🐀🐀🐀🐀🐀🐀
🐀🐀🐀🐀🐀

I can’t believe the Patriots went to all this trouble to beat the Dolphins.

Washington had to be the team that’s gonna take the chance and sign him, right?

Back when MSN Messenger was a thing, they had an emoji (I think this was before emojis were even called that... that’s how long ago this was) that was a face with big bug eyes but an otherwise neutral expression, used to convey the kind of shock you have when you find out the boss you were just badmouthing donates…

Group chat’s gonna be lit tonight

NFL: here is a bajillion dollars. All you have to do is not be a despicable moron for few years, we good?

I’m not out there to twist nobody’s ankle

The 13 fans in attendance were stoked.

What idiot called it Jalen wanting to leave the Jaguars and not Ramsey Boltin’?

Wait ‘til you hear about this singer, Barry White.

/Tom Brady’s son:

Chris Jones’s right arm/us Chiefs fans in general/2001 Oakland Raiders fans/your blood pressure/The World:

No sympathy for everybody’s favorite fancy dog. You watch a Thursday night Titans-Jags game, you get what you have coming to you.

Is this a case of Brady lacking any sense of self-awareness

“In the interest of keeping our language anti-inflammatory, we call that ‘maintaining brain-muscle pliability.’”

-Alex Guerrero