“They forget you've gotta win," said the Cleveland Browns quarterback.

Why does this show “TERRIBLE Judgement” exactly? In a league rife with domestic violence and PEDs and, you know, real fucking murderers, dating a porn star is borderline adorable. Nobody outside an evangelical bake sale gave that pornstar thing more than a cursory chuckle. 

About time Booker got defensive

Sad for Jimmy, but this is great. Every time one of his former backups who played wonderfully in NE turns into a pumpkin elsewhere, Tom Brady chews a pair of Kraft’s slippers.

“Hey, why the hell didn’t somebody check up on this Werder guy’s answers on this jury questionnaire?”

Land Rover Discovery. It was actually possible to use a lock picker to get into the car. However, once inside, the thieves weren’t able to start the car

The entire interaction is simply a construction in Albert’s head, revealing his own feelings of inadequacy rather than anything about Check Out Guy. In reality Albert was likely the 500th middle aged White Dude this month buying White Claw. Check Guy has long since stopped caring, hell even noticing, what products…

I prefer Andre, the Beer of Champagnes

If we weren’t all just balls of insecurity trying to get through the next social interaction, how would we know we’re alive?

He got a grace period, the article is wrong. Last year was his grace period, just like Rodgers and Brady.

Jon Jones is not exactly an expert on front ends.

With this one conversation Lamar Jackson is now a closer friend than any other member of Rodgers’ family.

“I for one would like it if people stopped thinking about my safety.”

I look forward to the day when the rulebook takes four pages to define a clap. 

Red red whine

*several molars crack*

This is the type of nard-hitting journalism that we all expect from Deadspin. 

He’s a role model for every high school kid, surviving a cock block on the way to second base.