I once bagged Steve Young’s groceries. I’ll never forget it, I asked him how he was doing and he said (this is an honest to God direct quote), “Good, thanks.” It was magical.

“Well, officer, I was just on the way to pay my taxes and then out of nowhere...”

FUCK it LOL

That doesn’t really work with treadmills, you don’t push the belt you only keep pace with it. Stationary bikes definitely should generate electricity though.

“6 beers? You mean breakfast?”

A massive job training program for skilled trades coupled with infrastructure investment would be a great start.

Writing the business plan for my abortion-tourism startup.

He used to, too,

this case is a SLAM DUNK

Your comment is extremely disrespectful to our men and women in uniform fighting for our freedom.

Madison Bumgarner. Madison, WI is the home of the Wisconsin Badgers. Wisco played UT in 1939, divide by 1000 and subtract 7 (number of games in this series) and you get .1869, Bumgarner’s average this season. That game was played in Austin, TX. The slogan of that town? “Keep Austin Weird.” WEIRD

Sadly, it was probably the best option. With nobody on at least he had power. Giants’ bench is shit.

“It’s a metaphor. But that actually happened.”

There has to be an Eddie Lacy joke in there somewhere, but I’m too high to think of one.

Top 10 Awesome MacGruber Tricks

Players are throwing and hitting the ball harder than ever

What a gong show, eh?

If the rookie hat fit you must acquit.

GOOD point from my wife, maybe if we could get the MEATBALLS in congress to pay for MRI’s with our tax dollers we would get somewhere...