That kid's name? Lance Armstrong.

How dare you like something.

I heard they’re not even his sons!

In this case, it’s also a fouled tip.

Looking forward to the hot mic that captured Sisco’s Dong Song

No way, I throw like a Major Leaguer!  Who’s unsatisfactory in PE now!

While Jim Breuer’s impression of a Latino is questionable at best, he kind of nails his impression of a probably alcoholic, washed up C-list celebrity.

Twist Ip! Pull ip! Pass ip! BAPIP!

Every single Mexican I have ever worked with may want to have a word with you about your dismissal of mariachi. It’s all they listen to and everyone knows every word. It’s like putting on a Journey greatest hits album at a mid-western 40th high school reunion.

I used to play beer league softball, and one time one of the guys smacked the shit out of the ball, jogged to 1st, and stayed there. It was a close game, and he easily could have gotten a double out of it. We asked if he got hurt or anything, and he said “No, I’m good, I just needed a single for the cycle.” Douchebag.

I must have been on the cusp of a cycle or a no-hitter during my entire baseball career as a kid because none of my teammates ever spoke to me.

“Bat flip of the year???”

I’m sorry, but this is part of what’s wrong with baseball. Next time they should put it in his ear!

Playing against the Blue Jays and Orioles nearly 40 times a year?

Back to back to back orgasms.

A Fred McGriff endorsed orgasm!

“[P]rofessional left fielders who can’t be relied upon to make accurate throws to the plate... ”

This is my favorite thing about baseball. Just all the weird shit that happens literally multiple times every season. There’s always some obscure stat that hasn’t happened since 30 years ago that comes to light in the strangest way. 

That one sailed further over your head then his last toss as an Indian