Narcissists have a profound fear of experiencing shame. Their behaviors can be seen as defenses to shame - a way of coping with the shame that they are for the most part unaware of and project onto others by demeaning them. Looking weak or being dependent also produce shame, so they both hide that and attract it in…

Passive-aggressive people please to appease and counter to control. They’re basically obstructionist, manipulative, and try to block whatever it is we want. Their unconscious anger gets transferred onto us, and we become frustrated and furious. Our fury is really theirs. It’s best to respond neither passively,…

Passive-aggression is a form of veiled hostility that should be addressed head-on. Reacting by nagging, punishing, complaining, or scolding only escalate power struggles. You become the parent your partner is rebelling against. Assertiveness is key in dealing with aggression and lack of cooperation. Arguing and…

There's more to it than that. People often blame themselves for the break-up and use it to lower their self-esteem. This can linger after normal grief passes. Also, some people fear it's their last chance at love, and the break-up can trigger shame and fear that causes withdrawal from friends. For more on…

It's hard not to appreciate Freud's genius when understood in the social context of his environment, and we are in great debt to his contributions. I was inspired to become a psychotherapist after reading "Interpretation of Dreams" when I was 12 years old, but intuitively, even then, I thought his view of dreams was…