I haven't seen one of those since Windows 98.

Crack pipe.

Blame whoever's in the White House at the time, then send a campaign contribution to the guy who promises to bring prices back down to 35¢ a gallon.

But he'll drive it Forever, Man.

2nd Gear: "More prominent protection plates." Because visiting the rough and tumble parking lot at Nordstrom's isn't the kind of place you'd take some sissy CUV.

Metallic paint on the dashboard. I bet that makes driving on a sunny day a pure delight.

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Aside from the SS versions (when properly equipped) most Impalas were rather pedestrian conveyances.

Yes, I'm old.

The concept is downright prehistoric.

But all they'll cook for breakfast is tofu bacon. Yuck.

My parents did similar to me, except I got Playskool building blocks. I could build houses and nothing else.

Back in the day, single women usually drove small, sporty-ish coupes, which lead to six-cylinder pony cars to get tagged with the not-complimentary nickname "secretary's car." All the hot babe secretarys on TV drove something that fit the mold: Mary Richards (she was applying to be Lou Grant's secretary), Peggy Fair,…

I'd say yes.

Seven-speed transmission? Manual? That sounds like a bitch to drive while wearing hemp sandals.

Why are all the Minis I've seen driven by crusty old hippies?

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And you never know when the guest of honor may need a little extra assistance entering or exiting their final ride...

It's easier to keep them from the converted sedans, rather than fabricating even more sheetmetal. Plus, some have seats in the rear for pallbearers and such.

In the case of the Armada, I think Nissan did that for federalization reasons, much like the Stanza Altima. As for the Solara, that's just another instance of Toyota's sales-inflation trickery, like the (Corolla) Matrix and (Toyota) Scion.