Fixed your Cardinals figure legend for you.

Uh... tools are pretty practical things and if you think they are frivolous, have fun fixing something the next time it breaks. But if you have that kind of mentality, you probably just think things magically get fixed when they break because you're never the one that has to deal with it.

You want are instead of is in that last sentence.

St. Louis: the Eagleton of baseball.

Nebraska fans. Same colors, even. Even more insufferable than us Packer fans.

What's behind St. Louis's preoccupation with anal pain?

And everyone hates Duke. Even I hate Duke.

The Cardinals are not the Packers. They are Duke. That is why they are the worst.

That Best Fans Twitter is actually a parody account making fun of the retardation that exists in their fanbase.

What do you call a Viking with a Super Bowl ring? A former Packer.

Hey as a Packer fan, I can guarantee I am 100% classless and my bragging is in no way humble

Cardinals fans are the first people to tell you how "great" Cardinals fans are, then start crying if you don't agree.

Which team will the Mexican fans be adopting?

As a guy who only weighs about 160, I always look forward to this write-up. It's the one time each year I get to hear about how fat I am. Thanks for the predictability!

The funny thing is Wisconsin is nowhere near the top 10 in obesity rates. But, it does make for a good story.

• If the season goes to shit, I can always watch my 2010 playoff DVDs (Yes, I'm one of those guys who bought the DVDs of the complete games) and keep my smug sense of superiority intact.

Every country has a similar playoff-esque tournament, in England it is the FA Cup, as well. Theoretically any team (yes, that means your Sunday pub team) can qualify. The Champions League combines both concepts and is, far and away, the best sporting competition in the world.