It's just absurd, these American commentators. What did cowboys ever conquer in the ten gallon hats. Wilderness? California? Gold? Oil? How declasse.

If Marko wants, he can always get a mobility scooter. It's worked for thousands of Americans who have had amputations due to too many Oreo Blizzards

If Marko wants to get a mobility scooter, he can always join the thousands of Americans who had to have an amputation due to too many Oreo Blizzards.

Jose Bautista really Pancho Gonzalez'ed it up tonight. Wasn't he amused by Chris Berman's delightful bon mots and aphorisms?

The is a mark. There is a series of contracts. That's all it is.

How The Wes Was Dumb

Balotelli is the greatest angry black Italian to show down the Irish since Al Giardello.

Slater knew Tebow had received the call from inside the maternal womb. He just wanted to know what it would be like to dial an outside line from in there.

Meanwhile, another surgical, surly and offensive man was brought to a stop last night: Luka Magnotta.

Maybe his girlfriend Di has some dough?

Virgil is once again guiding someone through hell. Himself.

Boy that must have been embarrassing for such a young network. Introducing your audience to the unusual or unfamiliar, then unraveling its mystery through insight and analysis- that just smacks of pathetic desperation to have something on the air.

Aussie Rules would provide a genuine challenge for ESPN.

Newcastle play it shrewd and that's why they're in the black. The combination of striking lucrative sponsorships and investing transfer revenue smartly culminated in successes this year. Just look at their new striker: Powerade Demba ion4

The WWE doesn't pull this trick much anymore. But they've had great success recently getting CM Punk and Daniel Bryan beat the shit out of a straw man.

Hate hockey? Hate women? Great! A romantic encounter with the two glamorous Malaysian prostitutes in this photo will involve neither.

Jose Canseco's careful strategy of avoiding market saturation is going very smoothly.

Sure enough, "Hard Knox" didn't get a date to the 1532 spring semi-formal at St. Andrew's, and for 300 years, the sex lives of young Scots felt his awful vengeance.

Sight and Sound's poll of best one-liners added one entrant from the 90s: Hellen Keller.

R-SC