Police Release Initial Report Of LSU Freshmen Dorm Fight Over Inspiring Posters: Jordan, Jefferson Figure Prominently

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The metaphor kind of falls apart because, unlike the little blue engine, the belief among ESPN employees is "I Don't Need to Think. I Can."

"You know, in place like Iowa and New Hampshire, it's a nice idea to compliment the locals on the corn, but when you get bogged down in the maze, well, that's when the trouble starts."

This is better of their two replacement ideas. The other was a hastily penned piece called "Dayyum, Son? Wat if this Muthafucka Wuz a Honkey But our Editorial Bizzoard Wuz BLIZZACK?!"

Yeah, I know. That's the joke.

I can't bear to live because of severe clinical dep- because of Garret Atkins! Yeah, that's the ticket! I had a deal in place for Mark Teixiera, you know!

After his statement, the press all rushed up to talk at Nilson, but he couldn't hear a word they were sayin'.

Well if Ralph Branca said "Alan Dershowitz's does NOT look like a jizz sock that his brain masturbates into intellectually" I wouldn't listen to HIM either.

So on page 14, when Jimmy Stewart presumably walks in to the apothecary of "Leo The Lord of Tan", did they forget to flag "ohwellgeeIgoshpardonmeMa'amIohwelloh IuhHaHawellyouseeI goshwellohboyexcuseme"?

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The Party was immediately concerned! The only s words that should get embedded by force in someone's head are Struggle (revolutionary) and Socialism (agricultural)!

Grandfather: "I cried like that when Ted Williams gave me a game ball. 'Course, it's because he punted it straight up my ass while calling me a fatass little Jew Commie."

Unfortunately for Canada, an oncologist just made the same evaluation of Jack Layton.

They can't get Albert Haynesworth now, he already endorses MusselFarm, a new line of energy enhanced fried clams that you rub into your tartar sauce.

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Me, I use EnerJew! A high-pitched, nasal energy supplement that gives me guilt about how I never rub it into my skin anymore like I used to whenever I go into the bathroom.

Boise's Merry Pranksters Fail Electric Blue Paint Acid Test

In the same statement, Cornell was also banned from painting their field Madras.

"U ever been with a black guy?"