THESE ARE THE STAKES

He's no Hedley Lamarr.

Ideally, this situation will end with Roger Goodell somehow getting horsewhipped and then fired. Fixed.

So THAT'S why I've been doing stupid shit all these years? I thought I just had chronically and I dare say titanically bad judgment! Thanks, science! I'm going out to celebrate not just being a damn fool!

The typos and grammatical errors really support the grotesque impropriety of the timing of this piece, lending gravity and credibility to the overall "not thinking this through at all" theme that drives and characterizes the work as a whole. As a piece of performance art, it's a small but worthy achievement.

Eh, no big deal. That's why there are twelve of those things

And he used to visit it in company of ladies-not-his-wife. This is 'lost' in the sense of 'shot off and therefore no longer of immediate utility', rather than 'missing'.

I actually read it as looking back to make sure the dude was dead. "Maybe I need to stomp his sorry- nah, he's not getting back up."

Supreme Commander Allied Forces Europe.

Her look is even better than his.

Just stick with one handle, PFTC, you're diluting your brand.

I get that this is demeaning and absurd. For clarity's sake, though, I must ask: do women not want these things? Because, if so, I...uh...I must do...well, a large number of things, most of them, er, immediately, if not sooner. Asking for a friend, or something. God help me.

Submit for your collectve consideration a very large dash of chipotle powder. It adds a layer of piquancy and smokiness.

Oh, no, Burneko. Just...god in heaven, please stop that.

The Fallout call is absolute money. Very strong.

This is stupefying. That anyone not vegetarian/vegan would decline to eat a chicken friend steak, regardless of what they thought it was, is just incomprehensible to me. I'm going to have one for breakfast tomorrow in horrifying, grotesque self-indulgence protest and solidarity. Cream gravy. Grits. You know the drill.…

"I was just telling the guys that the safety is coming down to cover-up the tight end. What did I say wrong?"

My bet is on "resign". The league office is very touchy about that word these days.

That seems a plausible explanation. Of course, given my limited knowledge of the science of cooking, you could also tell me it's the acids flash-bonding with the sugars to form a flavor profile called "italianissimo" and I would nod noncommittally and say, 'sure, could be.'

It does, thank you. Quick follow up: do you know what becomes of the tomato's acids, which presumably give the quick and uncovered sauce its fresh taste, when the sauce is covered over and simmered for longer, leaving the smoother, less-acidic flavor and texture?