I have a picture of you as a bouncer outside a nightclub, a salad walking up to the door, and you saying, “You’re not coming in dressed like that.”

Ha! Puns!

Can’t wait to see the Doof Warrior cosplay — he’s the Boba Fett for a new generation!

Jean-Baptiste Emanuel Zorg, The Fifth Element

Clarence Boddicker. He’s such a good villain...you realize how important he was to the original when you think about the fact the remake didn’t have a solid bad guy. It had ambiguous bad corporation but no one this charming.

If my video drives sales for this game there is something seriously wrong with video game consumers.

The controversy, at least what I saw of it, took this form:

It’s time to bring up the Chinese restaurant again:

You win the internet today. It is shiny and chrome!

Wow! She’s a better Janice Dickenson than Janice Dickenson.

Admittedly, I don’t have one, so I may just not get it...but good lord, why are some men so completely enamored of their dicks that they think we’re all just waiting for an opportunity to get a glimpse (or more) of it?? I’ve been flashed, sent unsolicited dick pics, had my hand grabbed and forced to touch them...I…

If you think about it, any story about food is the beginning of a poop story.

“And if you pause here, you can actually see his heart break.”

What are the odds that Mr. Sensitive wore a fedora?

I wonder if she had a terminal prognosis or if she just assumed there is no way a guy would possibly hang on to that.

Worse. Way worse.

I can’t believe how inappropriate the school has acted, and is continuing to act, by telling people the kid has “bad character.” Look in the fucking mirror, dickbags.

The story about the cancer-free anniversary “date” is one of the most pathetic things I’ve ever read. That’s some Ralph Wiggum/Lisa Simpson shit right there.