No, it’s real.

My grandmothers both wanted a stake in my name when I was born, so they suggested a name combo, ala Renesmee.

Okay I didn’t see this movie or read the book, was there a vampire-related reason that they had a creepy Renaissance-baby-Jesus instead of just a kid?

brb never sleeping ever again

Every single story about these guys. Every single story.

For the record, my shit smells AWFUL. Like maybe I should see a doctor. And I’m sorry I offended your pals at Fox and Friends. I hope they’ll be okay.

Sure I can! I’m doing it RIGHT NOW.

These people constantly insinuate that liberals are inept, incompetent pussies, and if you can’t see the bitter irony in the segment you need to reevaluate your life buddy.

“Then his brain-OS crashes and he stands frozen, arms dangling uselessly, while he reboots.”

Two five year olds looking at each other’s wee wees are “Playing Doctor”. A 15 year old adolescent molesting a five year old is not. Never mind that there were multiple victims, multiple occasions over several years, and often the victims were originally asleep, so they weren’t ‘playing’ anything.

On one hand, I appreciate taking revenge on jerks. That said, the Murine thing is poisoning a drink and illegal.

The maniacal laugh that happened when I found THAT picture cannot be described in mere words.

Revenge will be difficult, as I’m having a hard time trying to figure out something more disgusting to give her to eat than what she already ordered.

I’ll say this: I used to get a lot of very high-ranking Admirals and Generals on lunch shifts when I worked in Crystal City (right near the Pentagon). Every single one I ever served—without fail—was a great customer—super polite, good tippers, didn’t make a fuss. I know YMMV may vary and all, but my personal…

Every single one

Dammit, Pinkham. I laugh with you when you use these pictures to toy with all the East-Coasties on their lunch breaks, drooling at the mere sight of amazing food. But it’s breakfast time in Seattle, with nary a Top Pot in sight, and you throw THIS at me? What did I ever do to you to deserve such torture?

RE: the Navy story. The military’s brass really does not like their service members pulling shit like that.