In his defense, Priefer has offered nothing but glowing recommendations for Kluwe since they parted ways ...

How far can't you pun a football?

But how far can he HOLD a football?

The Jets could save some salary cap room on QBs if they'd just sign the guy with two dicks to be the starter AND the backup

Who was the most fascinating person's in-port in 2013? Kevin Lanflisi

No, he's the three-legged Florida basketball guy

Buttfuckus 'The Human Attention Whore' Mansplainer - third alternate two-man luge racer for Luxembourg, UNICEF spokesmodel and Krokodil aficionado

My favorite Rice fat guy TD celebration is the one where they recruit a mild mannered, middle aged man to play center for the team

Going in a different direction, Jay Cutler gave the Bears offensive line one Xbox (first-gen) for Boxing Day

Things, ranked:

Right after that he tried to open a gambling den on the alameda ferry

Also deemed unlovable parts of town by Craggs - Harlem, East St. Louis ... Hmm

I am looking forward to Divorce Proceeding Crashers, though

I liked Will Leitch when he just thought about gossipy sports stuff, before he sold out and started writing that stuff down for money.

Amazingly, Cutler's towel was also white before he wiped his nicotine-stained fingers all over it just before the team prayer.

Why

We interrupt this broadcast to bring you an actual current tire fire (Drew Magary, call your office, demand skyrockets for "Why Your Team Sucks 2014: Lima Incans" entry)

McRibbed for her enjoyment

If we can't make a meme out of this and 'Cosmic significance is mine for the taking!' ... I weep for the Internets

I first read this as hitting the "Tamigotchi sweet spot" and I was like, that would be right up a game designer's alley but then I drank some coffee.