Speaking of poop, one sign of Intelligent Design is how a banana fits snugly in your paw like God intended but another one is how poop and pee work in tandem like peanut butter and runny peanut butter poo. Have some annoying poop sticking to the bowl of your toilet? A hot jet of sweet, sweet pee shot out of the old…

What's more, the vast majority of Marvel's super villains operate in NYC — getting skidmarks just thinking about running into the Green Goblin and Ultron at the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade!

Spot on with New Yorkers' insufferable belief that they live in the greatest, most rough-and-tumble city in the known universe. 'If you can make it here, you can make it anywhere,' amirite? Yeah, how about we transport your Gothamite ass to some shantytown-favela-township shithole in the ass end of the global south…

I'm going kill JRRT because the casual racist-Luddite combo would be hard to get aroused for, much less live with in sickness and in health.
Also, it's inevitable that one day you'd walk in on him doing CS Lewis, which you know ... just gross

Meta: Tolkien, Rowling, Phillip Pullman

Dobby, Kreacher, Griphook
Hagrid, Grawp, Madame Maxine
Firenze, Bane, Buckbeak
Remus, Bill Weasley, Fenrir Greyback
Aragog, Basilisk, Nagini

I feel like Washington's football club could preserve a portion of their heritage while also stressing the sartorial flair emblematic of our nation's capital, via a strategic merger with another NFL franchise.

The San Francisco Will-This-Be-The-Time-Harbaugh-Dislocates-A-Shoulder-With-His-Crazed-Sideline-Contortions Lookie-Loos

FIND THE ASSHOLE - THAT'S WHERE THAT KNUCKLE PUNT GOES

Sadly, non-sunglasses bro and Toshredthapow are no longer an item ... is there anything more fickle than young love?

I love Sage Rosenfels! Somehow I imagine him as the most perplexing dilemma ever faced by the West Palm Beach yentas - a successful (in general, not NFL terms) Jewish boy whom they could never recommend as marriage material to their nieces and granddaughters ...

Today I learned that the open casting call for Idiocracy 2 that makes up the Miami Dolphin fan base somehow learned the term 'straw man' in the past 48 hours

We have one Miami fan who shows up to our local on NFL Sundays wearing a Mark Clayton jersey. He knows nothing about football and less about the Dolphins. He never has smokes and usually pulls the homeless busboy thing to get drinks.

Ultimately, I guess SF has to be saddled with OJ since he played here at the high school, college and pro levels

They weren't doormats - 16 winning seasons, 14 losing seasons from 1950 (when they joined the NFL from the AAFC) to 1980, including some pretty good years in the early 70s.

Man, that sucks. Went to that game with my wife, who's from New Orleans - me in my Niners gear, her in her Who Dat shirt and beads, etc. ... didn't get hassled too much in the parking lot or at the game, though one guy shouted at me, "She must have a magical vagina!" ... which we both thought was pretty hilarious,…

It's only because he was really a Bill - he only played two seasons at the end of his career for the Niners, albeit injury-riddled shitty ones that cost us draft picks

"Why the hell would he eat at P.F. Chang's?"

Because his neighborhood Panda Express was closed for remodeling that day

Midwest Bias refers to the 90 percent of the American Diabetes Association budget that goes to help residents of your region

Yeah, but the fixation on the Jets over the past several years (even pre-Tebow) has been mystifying. This is a team with a fan base that occupies a territory smaller than the one the Warriors had to cross to get away from the Grammercy Riffs — if Luther had only accused them of killing Woody Johnson, the movie would…