I’ll thank you to leave Christopher Cross out of it, unless you’re making a “canvas can do miracles” reference, which is, frankly, what you should be doing.

It’s weird how hackers always seem to go straight for liking porn tweets

As someone who scorekeeps at games, this would crush my soul.

Pink Floyd- Dark side of the moon. No justification necessary really.

Pink Floyd- Dark side of the moon. No justification necessary really.

My immediate thought:

Ian Poulter is built like a deer that was raised in a cramped cage on a diet of nothing but vanilla pudding.

That has nothing to do with anything. His playing partner and marker Jordan Spieth AND the official came to the conclusion that he ball was “most likely” in the hazard, and proceeded from there under THE FUCKING RULES. If the ball was found 2 minutes late or two days later is a moot point at that point. If his ball…

Skip ahead to 2:51 to see him...jog?...and think smugly to yourself that although this irritated Brit is better at golf than you are at anything, you are still somehow more athletic than him.

“I’m this big of a douchebag.” -Ian Poulter probably

As a long time US soccer fan, I’ve resisted the temptation to give in to the hype. He’s promising yes, but we’ve been here before.

I feel like Bartolo’s uniform should include suspenders at this point.

Someone else might be available, too.

Sometimes, I sit on my hand til my fingers go numb. then pinch my genitals.

Double Nickels is the most underrated record of ALL TIME! It is known.

In the shuffling madness,

WEEI is the modern day equivalent of the Medieval practice of throwing buckets of human shit into the street.

At the end when Alomar is celebrating with his teammates there’s a whole cornucopia of “Let’s remember some guys”.

Really, this must have been LeBron’s dream outcome from the very beginning of his return to Cleveland:

I’m fucking dying that that correction is real life. Who says journalism is dead?