Of course they didn't quarantine the Blues. If St Louis-area authorities are going to try to quarantine anybody, it's going to be the blacks.

It's so blatantly obvious that everyone in this commercial is of a different race, yet they all refer to themselves as "beeps." Now they all probably want to be "American" and get married and stuff.

damn you're a scumbag

Doctor: Jose, we're rushing you into surgery right now. We can save your finger.

Finally he shoots something else off!

Well, I guess now we'll find out if that human growth hormone really works.

$0.

*throws knowing glance at identical twin brother*

Frat bro tone-deafness representing

So in hockey speak he has an upper body injury.

Hasn't Dwyane Wade won 3 championships doing this?

Maybe he should get the words tattooed on his neck?

Written like someone who has never had bad pain.

the best anthem. The True North.

I'm a little concerned with the hand growing out of Bekele's elbow.

The first hit dislodged his insides. The second hit put his insides back in place so he is actually okay.

I don't mean for a moment to belittle your horror and despair, but does it really make any difference? I mean, once it's Cincinnati chili, it's already reached the apex of nightmarish obscenity, so putting any random thing in it won't actually make it worse. Rats, pumpkins, the shin bone of a hanged man…none of it…

Those Cardinals fans love dominant pitching, but will gladly settle for three Ks.

MORTAL WOMBAT!