New Jersey Governor Chris Christie showed off his athletic side...

Dudes, lay off. Allen loves fookball.

What do you expect from a franchise that refers to an entire race by the wrong name?

“What you heard there was Kirktus, not Curtis”

I took the shell off my racing snail, thinking it would make him faster.

Why? Because readers only claim to want objectivity in their reporting, even though they actually don’t. They just want to feel as if they’re getting objective news, without have to deal with what that would really mean, which is regularly encountering information that causes them cognitive dissonance.

This is a far cry from when Tabitha Soren and Kurt Loder brought down the Nixon Administration.

So with no Mikes are they just gonna yell really loud or something?

When you have a sports blog run by political analysts, this is the result

Aren’t they all to the far right?

You’re being far too kind to the cereal rankings.

Everybody else’s tobacco is poisonous. General Snus... is STEAMED.

I’d rather have a forward-counting clock indicating how many years the South hasn’t risen again in (152.2 and counting)

Just because the guy can eat 70 sandwiches all of a sudden he’s an expert?

Hayward Prefers ‘Tics Over ‘Eat, ‘Azz

I look forward to Horowitz blessing HGTV with new argueshows like “Shiplap Upside Your Head” and “Unintelligent Design”

To pull off something like this, you gotta be a really big Yankees fan

He’s hoping the judge finds him injured and replaces him with Dak Prescott.

Man, that Penn State shit was fucked up! Damn.

One of my biggest regrets in life is the time I was sitting next to a German couple at an airport bar and she sneezed and I said “bless you” instead of “gesundheit.”