Forget toying at baseball for FSU. With Jameis's talent for beating police, I'm sure the Tallahassee Fire Department softball team would pick him up in a hot minute.

+1

A "semiconscious uncoupling" is still the preferred euphemism for NFL wives filing for alimony.

+1

I can think of a certain Los Angeles based owner I'd like to put my hands on. And it may be wrong because of their age... but seriously, Jenny Buss is pretty hot for 52.

"Suspended only by the strength of..." What? Hair or something?

This is superlative compared to America's hockey team. Worster isn't even a word.

[Discretely opens video]

[Brighton'd by Wendel Clark Bar]

+1

Fellow commenters with the regrettable habit of throwing up lazy pop culture .gifs, this is what you should aspire to.

Hey man, I've enjoyed a bunch of your work here. But I'm about to dismiss your reply because the punchline of my joke is that the game — at least where I'm from — is called Wallball. I'm (hopefully) burying this here because I don't like to clutter fresh posts with non-jokes. Hope you don't take offense, and if you…

Make sure it doesn't bounce twice and if you drop it go tag the wall before someone else throws it against the wall and if you don't just turn around and close your eyes and cover up your dick?

Really can't believe Jameis overlooked the easiest thing to conceal and later return for cash; he's already practiced at getting away with batteries.

Since everyone else is giving their birthdate away here, allow me to say: "Hi! exactly-two-years-older-person-than-myself. Also, isn't it sweet to not have to tell anyone it's your birthday but still enjoy a huge party? And, how awesome was it on those birthdays when we went out and our IDs were like free drink…

Good thing this story didn't get out. Silver may have come down lighter if he knew the players were considering striking boycotts.

Did they not understand what the scalper meant by nosebleeds? Or what the I95 sign meant by Philadelphia?

Probably wake, feed, interact, rest, feel, wonder, work at an awesome job, ignore "lazy" personal criticisms, get paid, sleep soundly.

.

Comtract: "Can has cheezburger."