Just started riding a motorcycle a year ago, and taking it out at night is easily one of the most terrifying things you can experience.

What a fooking clown.

I’ll begrudgingly admit that I’ve been a long-time NASCAR fan (I grew up in the south. Lay off.)... that is until the last two or three seasons. The constant tweaks to the format, the lack of interesting drivers, and the more-than-often tone deaf additions (see: Barstool partnership) make it very likely I’ll cease…

My mom had to get veneers a couple of years ago, and they gave her the option of going with a shade (tint? hue? I didn’t go to dental school) close to her old teeth. At first I thought it was weird not to go the SHINY BRAND NEW TEETH route, but when I saw the results I couldn’t tell that she had had anything done. 

My heart is almost full-on black at this point, but holy shit do I turn into a little kid every 4 years when the summer games comes on.

“I’ve been taking antibiotics and painkillers recently due to a softball-to-the-face related injury. They’ve made me quite constipated...”

Brady Quinn? Are you out of your mind?

Today’s sports world is overrun with hyperbole, and I usually roll my eyes at GOAT talk. But Simone is absolutely the GOAT. Long may she reign.

LeBron tweets like a 12-year-old.

Speakerphone usage in public should always end with the phone being shoved directly up the user’s ass.

That’s a lovely try. My go-to is this clip of the un-torchable Habana getting smoked by USA’s Takudzwa Ngwenya:

Oof, bud.

1. Call cops. 2. Call tow company. 3. Set up camera to record owners’ reaction when they come back to see their vehicle is gone. 

*Andre Rison nods in approval*

Is it artisanal? Is it small batch?? IS IT GLUTEN-FREE????

Reminds me of that James Harrison quote about Brian Cushing for some reason...

Thank you for your service.

Sophie Turner deserves a nod as much as I do. 

Is this enough to enrage the Bey-hive (or whatever the fuck that collective of vindictive morons is called)?