I’d love to move to Canada but a) they won’t let me in (the visa process is daunting), and b) I’m too scared to come out from under my bed in the U.S. It's fucking scary here.

*signs up for farmersonly.com*

Maybe she’s made herself a vacuum powered bathtub bong and started hot boxing the washroom with it.

Sources say she feels “completely betrayed” by the lesser Hemsworth, and that she’s been “smoking pot more frequently and drinking more to numb the pain.”

NICE

I like the cut of your jib. We should be friends.

My presence is your present.

Watched a show on PBS last night that featured an experiment involving sympathetic muscle movement in our faces and our ability to recognize other people’s emotional states. Conclusion - those real housewives are mean catty bitches because their paralyzed faces preclude empathy.

My cats are always watching me.

citing “research” that proved children are better off in homes with straight parents.

Guys, I don’t think Closer understands how “Who Wore It Better” pieces work.

Next question.

Pretty sure this guy’s going for asshole of the year at the very least.

Once Americans decided that the slaughter of children was less important than an amendment made before semi automatic weapons were even conceived, and consciously voted for (or chose not to vote against) lawmakers that held with the idea I honestly gave up hope.

It’s possible that the more serious charges were the kinds of things ABC wanted to avoid because of potential lawsuits that Scientology is so fond of.

While I appreciate Going Clear, I know all of that already. I want to see something juicy from the inside. I want her talking about Tom Cruise and his cookie dough tantrum. I want a dishy memoir, and this seems like it. I don’t need it to be some deep exposé, personally.

Can’t find the nails, and his assistants are too afraid to tell him the box is right in front of him on the counter.

YES. There is no King of Prussia... only Mall.

The Philly connection is making me think “MALL”

or King of Prussia