Maybe Donald Trump’s head was up that guys ass?

Ugh those 1% bears with their swimming pools.

Well, they're black bears so the police probably shot on sight & planted a weapon

A single mother of 5 just wants to relax at the pool for a day, is that too much to ask, little girl? Chill.

That’s a lot of cubs for one bear. Makes me think she’s the fun forest babysitter that takes you and the other kids to the splash park for the whole day, plus ice cream after. Not the babysitter that tells you to play Hide and Seek and then never comes to find you. I hid in that box for two hours.

That’s just false advertising, I mean “safe” is literally the name of the object so logically it should be safe to put your baby in there. It’s just common sense.

We have a rider on our homeowner’s insurance to cover my ring. It’s based on the appraisal value, which is waaaaaay more than he actually paid (family connections for the win!), but it’s only about $80 a year extra. Totally worth it for me.

I’m shocked the resale price is that high. Definitely curious if that is more a function of it being a nice diamond or it being a Tiffany ring. Most old jewelry doesn’t sell for shit.

I live in Las Vegas. Sadly, I downloaded our bank account from since we moved here, and we’ve spent around $15K eating out in the last year. M Life (MGM’s rewards program) bumped our status because we spend so much money on food. It’s a bad place to live as a foodie.

I CAN’T EITHER and people get so annoyed but I just can’t fucking hear anything so I end up smiling and nodding but usually looking either like a jerk or like someone who has no idea how humans work.

Giving a shit about my physical appearance.

There’s also this:

Baby looks like it’s wearing a Lucha Libre mask!

My wife and I have a newborn. After six weeks (honestly, after like two), she was bored out of her mind. Feed/change/feed/bath/nap/feed is exceptionally time consuming but boring (all those hours in a chair nursing are like a time suck).

On a trip to Australia, a girlfriend and I landed in Sydney and through a mix-up, were dropped off at the wrong hotel. As it wasn’t too far, we decided to just schlep our luggage to the correct place. Three different groups asked us what happened and if we wanted to go for a drink (guys & girls). It was 830 in the…

I REALLY REALLY REALLY want this to be real. She is my representative and is terrible. She is anti-choice, pro-war, pro-gun, and refuses to actually meet with constituents unless you are a big donor. She now fancies herself as someone with a heart because she has been championing human trafficking legislation. But I…

Next year’s campaign slogan: Pick a winner!

My son’s nanny is from Peru. She’s been with him about two years now, from when he was 18 months. He’s pretty fluent (and also blond!), and his little squeaky Spanish just slays me. But I have to spy on them while they speak it together, because he won’t speak it with me! When Gladys comes he switches right to…

OMG my mom (figuratively) beat this into me as a child: you must never be dependent on anyone else for anything. Always take care of yourself. Always be able to support yourself.