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Hey racist Trashbag - LEARN SPANISH!

How to start your day like Mocena:

One unfortunate visit to family in Botswana when I was 10 taught me this life lesson: hippos may look adorably dopey and sweet-natured, but they are mean fuckers, and holy shit they can move fast. Having half a ton of cranky hippo bearing down on you is a way to have a really bad day. Also, they sometimes twirl their

Why pussyfoot around when it comes to the cancerball in the sky???

First sleep-away girl scout camp, a week long, and I went with a friend from school; we were one state away from home while our families stayed at a vacation cabin, so we only knew each other. It was in the woods but not insane, with lots of activities and swimming and crafts and horses, the whole deal. I loved it, my

I went to camp in Louisiana, which is of course a whole state filled with swampy things that want to kill you. I was taking canoeing lessons with fellow campers, and we were doing the bit where you purposely tip the canoe and practice getting back in. There we were, all bobbing around in the small pond, when one of

I spent three of the best summers of my life working at a little scout camp in Eastern Ontario, just outside of Perth. I have literally dozens of stories from it (I’ve already told two here) but this is my favourite:

We had a HUGE raccoon population around the camp. Big families that would get into gang fights at

One company that I worked for years ago was slowly being sold off in bits and pieces. For some reason, my department was the last to go. Six women had the run of the building and we each had our OWN bathroom...and in the interest of democracy, we rotated use of the executive restrooms. That was a GLORIOUS six months.

Plush offices with multi-stall bathrooms are a pet peeve of mine. It’s just such a knee-jerk way to cheap out on your workspace! My office is lovely - original artwork, ergonomic conference room chairs, free coffee, organic milk. But when you walk into the bathroom, it’s the same stall dividers that you see in

Here is the number #1 (no pun intended) rule of etiquette for multi-stall bathrooms: If you are done with your business and the other door that was shut when you got there is still shut, someone is holding onto their poop for dear life, praying that you will hurry up and leave. Please move along. Hopefully someone

This is an obvious phallacy.

I have bright blue eyes and it looked really good on me. I had to fight the notion that I couldn’t wear that color blue eyeliner at the advanced age of 44, but actually it was far more subtle than I thought!

My eyes are blue-green. It looks ridiculous on the bottom of my eye but a little bit just along the top lashline makes the blue in my eyes pop. When I first opened the bag I started laughing because it looked *exactly* like an eyeliner I had when I was thirteen (and I’m now old enough to have a daughter that age). It

Although it sounds like the result of some freaked-out parent being annoying, these sunburns are legitimately terrible.

She is most definitely a real princess. Her full name and title are Her Royal Highness, Katherine, The Princess William of Wales, Duchess of Cambridge Countess of Sthrathearn and Baroness of Carrickfergus . It’s only tradition that British Princesses that mary their husbands to gain their titles are not referred to by

post kids sleep is usually when I work to make up for making these comments or other distracting stuff during work hours. :-/ all I really want to do from 8:45 on is nurse a glass of wine and put my feet up

I watched it with my son (the replay but whatever - we didn’t have re-play when we were kids or our parents would have done that. I did the same. He was six I think when they married and I told him she was a princess - she is - and she’ll get that title one day so whatever!

Fruit and veggie consumption, for the most part. Before I had a kid myself, I tended to just recommend “lots of fruits and veggies, whatever you can get them to eat” and leave it at that. But now my own is going through a picky phase, and I can’t understand for the life of me how parents managed to meet my

Do what moms do on Facebook: fling shit at other moms.

My son was IVF, and without it he wouldn’t be here. It took 5 years to conceive him with several very expensive attempts. He was born with many congenital defects including missing some vertebrae in his neck. He had a spinal fusion at 14 months and is 9 now, but cannot and never will be able to turn his head. When we