Woah- seriously? My husband was adopted as an infant and raised with love and best care by infertile mom, he is so wonderful and grateful to both his unknown (and he wants to keep it that way) birth mother got making sure he got to a safe place somehow and to his parents, who he genuinely loves!

SPURNED & BURNED

I’ve decided I will punish infidelity by never ever leaving him alone. A fate worse than death.

I’m sure there will be albums worth of material. A lot of country music is about wearing jeans and drinking beers near bodies of water. Actual drama is like a double album waiting to happen.

As long as Blake gets custody of Adam Levine, you’ll be fine Miranda.

You got there a minute late? Buddy try the majority of us who clicked it the second it went up and saw 0% claimed instantly turn into 100% claimed and wait list full. I kid you not it was gone in less than 5 seconds. Yeah if you were a minute late then you were 59.9999999999999999 seconds too late. Repeat this…

You got there a minute late? Buddy try the majority of us who clicked it the second it went up and saw 0% claimed…

Look at a pulled pork sandwich. Talk to the pig it once was.

I WANTED TO BE A DERMATOLOGIST SO I COULD POP PEOPLE’S SHIT AND CUT OUT CYSTS AND TAKE CARE OF ALL OF THE GROSS THINGS PEOPLE ARE ASHAMED OF ON THEIR BODIES. DO NOT BE ASHAMED, CLOGGED PEOPLE, I WILL GET THAT FOR YOU.

Cosigned. Ballsmcgee and I believe our assholes are functional, not recreational. I guess it just depends from person to person.

I think we have to remember she was 16.*

I got like 2$ from the tooth fairy. You got 20$??????

That dress in the forefront looks like what comes out of a Diaper Genie. I’m so confused.

Can Chris Pratt teach me to french braid? I’m a lady (and a MOM) and never could figure it the hell out.

Braiding your own hair is some high-level magician shit. I can just about manage a basic braid but I know someone who can French braid her own hair and I regard her as a dark sorceress who has compacted with spirits.

Dads? Fuck that. I’m a 29 year old woman and I don’t know how to freaking braid. You need right arms, three mirrors and a legion of bobby pins and ponytail holders to do that shit. Impossible!

When your newborn looks bigger than you... well it’s time to start licking some donuts.

No, no, she is clearly old enough to know not to put food in her mouth that doesn’t belong to her. She is using big words and walking on her own and everything. And even if she was having a rough day and so had regressed a bit (it happens to all babies when they’re tired and stressed), her caretakers should have…

Diaphragms were awesome for birth control. By the time you were able to get it in right you were too tired to fuck. I remember one time (in band camp) in college laying on the bathroom floor crying. The preparation of damn thing made it one drop of nonoxyl 9 away from being as slippery as a greased pig. The metal…

After the first paragraph, lemme see what I can manage -