Considering these drinks would surely induce vomiting I don’t think the calories matter.

Did Cosmo provide any tips for sexing up your frappacino? (fapping your frap?)

Ick. There’s more to food and beverages than flavor, there’s also texture. Most of these things should NOT be liquid.

I work at a restaurant way out in wine country (still lots of critters coming around despite us humans), and out on our patio people think it’s just SO CUTE to feed the duck family that lives on property. They feed them hamburgers, pancakes, steak, etc, and then FLIP out when the ducks shit all over the patio. “Can…

Thanks to the Union it’s THREE bags of candy instead of the previous one...

Or geese. Geese are of the devil.

I see your bear, and raise you a moose family playing in sprinklers!

I want to assure everyone that this summer’s upcoming reality show I Wanna Honk Gronk is very real and legit. The boss is very excited for the chance to find a wonderful lady to spend his life with, or as much of his life that Belichick approves off. Frankly, forget meeting the parents, the ladies had better be ready…

He is pretty great, as is his mom, who definitely raised her sons right.

Right. So, this past weekend, I was grocery shopping, as one does, and got the essentials. You know, kale and lentils, hair spray, dog biscuits, mega pack of tampons and pads, ben and jerrys cookie core ice cream, texas-shaped cheez-its, 800 cases of la croix sparking water.

I only hide them I think because idiots will go Ooooh she’s bitchy cos she’s bleeding profusely from her vagina. And then I’ll have to stab them. And hospitals are really reluctant to hire you if you stab enough people without orders to do so.

I might have been embarrassed as a young teenager, but geez. Grownups, and all that. We pee, we poop, we bleed.

Hydrocortisone cream is some fantastic stuff. My toddler calls it the “no itches cream.”

Nothing says ‘small town down to earth’ like cashmere blend circle scarves, $300 ripped jeans, purebred small dogs with hair jewelry and $20,000 engagement rings.

My kid will NOT sleep on a plane, even with drugs. Superhuman....

My mom is a herbalist. She always slipped shit into our drinks so we would sleep during trips. It was the only time we were allowed pop, as it masked the taste. And people now that I’m grown ask why I don’t touch the stuff haha

I don’t have kids, but once flew with my friend who has a 18 month year old, who was screaming her head off unless she was allowed to walk in the aisle (accompanied by her mother). This was not allowed by one b*tch of a flight attendant (there was no turbulence or whatsoever). So we had a screaming kid on our laps,…

Good old Dramamine will do that to you. They make a non-drowsy one now, in fact you can’t really find the old school knock you out for a week one.