Definitely not the best burn I’ve delivered, and definitely not one of the best here, but it’s hilarious nonetheless. I was in a fight with a friend in 6th grade (so, we were 12.) We had assigned seats at lunch so we have to sit together despite our total loathing. She tried to insult me, saying her mom said I was…

Unfortunately the sickest burn I’ve ever heard was directed at me by my five-old-nephew. So during March break a year ago my parents and I were looking after him for my brother and sister-in-law. We took him to the Royal Botanical Gardens one day and on our way back as I’m buckling him into his car seat this happens:

I’m a very tall lady — 6’2” to be exact. As such, I’ve attracted my share of insecure men who haaaaate it that I am taller than them and aren’t shy about letting me know it.

I was very badly bullied at school so I gave as good as I got. One dudebro in particular kept harassing me, so I accused him of bedding sheep. Simples. All through high school, nasty sleazy stuff from him, I rejoined with my sheep-fucker insults. They were awesome! We have a very strong repitoire of sheep related…

So there was this guy who would always sexually harass me on my way home from work. I’d get off the train and walk by this auto repair shop. This motherfucker didn’t even work at the shop — the shop owner described him as a “parasite” who loitered outside of the shop trying to buy up junkers and always hollering at…

Hmm, I’m sure I’ve done better, but my last bf was a total dick and I think I got in one decent burn. Over a year’s time together I gained 6 lbs. Yes a whopping 6 pounds. He had the gall to ask me if “I’d asked my doctor about my weight gain.” After I picked up my jaw and started to defend myself, saying no one else…

My 16-year-old sister looks a little bit older so she occasionally gets hit on by boys in their early 20s. At one point, this one sorry fellow tried to convince her that “age is just a number,” to which she quickly retorted, “a prison cell is just a room.”

Not especially sick or clever, but I give myself props for not walking away and muttering to myself.

I just remembered a great one! Last month, my friend - who is the chillest, least confrontational, most mild-mannered person in the whole world - was visiting Israel and he ran into some German lady who was like, “Why can’t there just be peace?” My friend was all, “Yeah, totally” (my friend and I are both Jewish but…

Waiting at the airport for a flight. There’s a line of about 10 people at the counter that were delayed from an earlier flight. Some dude pushes past the line and screams at the desk agent that, “(He) has to be on this flight! And it has to be first class!” Agent tells him that she can help him but he need to wait in…

I would think that if you’re really worried, just put the food through a strainer. Personally, I’d use one of the extra-fine strainers, but a regular one would work.

I make my own baby food and I have learned that sweet potato covers all evils. And puréed chicken, especially canned puréed chicken, is evil.

Rabbits do not vaccinate and they don’t care what you think about it!

Yes. Or at least the Brow Wiz is, I haven't tried any of their other products. I bought Brow Wiz in taupe (ash blonde) and it's amazing. It's got a very fine tip so it's great for filling in brows and looking totally natural and it blends wonderfully. It's also great because it works perfectly with the colour of my…

This is my favorite thing to link in the whole world and for once it's totally relevant:

Friday my bf and I went to Chipotle. He always asks for extra cheese, and is similarly disappointed. Well this time the girl behind the counter took both hands, grabbed massive amounts of cheese and dumped it on the burrito. Twice. I guess I looked surprised when she did it because she said "The man asked for extra…

What’s the point of getting old if you can’t spend all your time day drinking, lady lunching, and definitely not changing the diapers of four newborns?

Anyone who can stand hearing their kid cry for any extended period of time is made of much sterner stuff than me.

I love this. My daughter loves the color pink but she also loves vehicles, dinosaurs, and science. I usually just buy her clothes from the “boys” section and honestly I think gendering clothes for little kids is dumb, but I’m all for campaigns like this for girls.

In all fairness, that is an exquisite baby.