We were just talking about her last night. Everything had butter in her food. Lots of fucking butter. I swear one time on her show she literally said "IF IT DOESN'T TASTE RIGHT JUST ADD MORE BUTTER. BUTTER FIXES EVERYTHING." She would add extra butter to her butter.

I think I slept on my back on elevated pillows for a while. Worked out.

Eh. While I am thankful my perineum didn't suffer any trauma, not being able to cough for two weeks was a drag.

Noooo. C-sections are much more painful. Just soak and freeze some big old maxi pads. And get a nice epidural.

I have no scientific basis for this, but I think you should just eat pizza until it forces the child out. In fact, I would like to go do this exact thing.

I've spent my entire adult life being freezing at night. The last 15 years have been spent needing to put my icicles feet on my husband's thighs to keep warm, even in summer.

I don't dislike their aesthetic, they just generally don't fit me well — too big in the waist or too small in the hips.

C'mon people - it's a strip mall.

I was...unsuccessful.

Aw, this is fabulous! I hope she gets herself something nice too, because honestly—was she chosen as a POSTER CHILD for cliche, shitty jobs? Like, she works at McDonalds: ok. She works at Walmart: ok.

BUT BOTH?

Girl. You deserve every cent of that. Every GD cent.

What about milk in your alcohol?

FETA. You can't have roasted garlic cloves without feta to balance out the flavors.

With her hair all slicked back/down like that, it makes her very lovely face look too long and narrow and undefined. I'm not into the tan + amber hair as I always appreciated her pale-skinned look (relatively rare in Hwood). But girl, if that's your thing now, go for it.

I'm bereft. Don't go, Jon! Especially not before the 2016 election! First Colbert, now you! THIS IS THE DARKEST TIME LINE.

#IWISHallmen

I am 19. It shall be titled, "Memoirs of a Gaysian."

My mother was working in a restaurant when she was 20, and she had previously warned the manager on numerous occasions about serious issues with the smoke hoods, and the air vent. The manager never did anything about it.

Should I talk about the time my mother accidentally burnt a restaurant down?

It's the level of antibodies in your blood to measles (or whatever else they're testing).