You got 8 million goddamn people crammed into one city with each other. They gotta find some way to blow off steam.

This man's main concerns recently seem to be Beyonce's sexuality and women swearing. I think his constitution is far too delicate for him to want to throw his hat into the ring to be president of the US. This man need a cup of tea, a blanket, a nap and to never have a position of authority again.

I got some good-ass friends, and friends with good asses, and sometimes both (see what I did there)

My other thought is, if she had access to affordable day care, maybe she would have gotten away from that sick bastard more easily as well.

I really hate to be that guy and to stick up for coffee latte lady, but doesn't "cafe" literally translate from French to English as "coffee"? As such, isn't a "coffee latte" really exactly the same damn thing as a "cafe latte"? Suck up the fact that she's an idiot and can't comprehend it is supposed to be cafe and…

So, you're saying that he doesn't look exzachly the same?

HAAAA "dungarees!!!" Yes! My husband uses that word just to make me giggle and it DOES. Like, "Can't decide what to wear to dinner...was thinking a button-down, my navy sweater...maybe a nice pair of dungarees..."

Oh, Devon Sawa. Would a REAL MAN need to ASK sports questions? Tsk tsk.

I know. Is it a book for your pocket??? A book made OF pockets?? I refuse to google the origin of it (I'm assuming something like, "in the 18th century, farmers used a pocket-booke to transport seeds and animal feces"), but fuck off, pocketbook!

You just can't find good, organic, free-range kids in most places though, with exception of those daycare-to-table places that are soo expensive.

Yeah, and if the pizza gets saucy, you can eat it. Children, not so much.

On paper, Beyoncé is the poster child for Huckabee's "Bubba culture" (that's what he called it on The Daily Show last night) values:

The NRA is evil incarnate.

Dance. I have all of the grace of a dying hippo.

You are a good Great Clips tipper. Bless you. Some of the stylists at those quick places do a good job too. If you find one who gives you a good cut, try to stick with that person.

Sorry lover. If it makes you feel better, I got "dumped" by my hot employer. Fuckers just can't handle a woman with an opinion.

So I'm Australian so feel free to bash away, but I am gobsmacked at the "child safety" priorities here. Every day I read on my newsfeed in the US about mass school shootings of children, children shooting each other at home, a 2 year old shooting their mother in Walmart, accidental death of 6 year olds playing with…

As the ACLU of Alabama's Executive Director Susan Watson points out, Alabama doesn't have a statewide public defender program, meaning fetuses can get a lawyer appointed with state money, but real live, already-born indigent human beings cannot.

She found out when she heard us making love. I guess we didn't realize how thin the bedroom floor was. She really didn't mind. Now we're like a little family. She calls me her daughter.

I'd murder my clone and farm him for parts, because I know for a FACT he would do it to me if I let my guard down. That sonuvabitch.