OH GOD THE CUTENESS

I knew about the history of Jim Crow, but I also am another one who had no idea about eeny-meeny-miney-moe (In fact, I remember snorting in disgust at the character in Pulp Fiction who uses the original words, thinking Tarantino added that in there to shock (and because of his deep love for the n-word of course) and…

I found a loophole!

I mean, I think the "I <3 boobies" thing is stupid as shit but taking this to the SCOTUS? It's stupid-as-shit-EST

"Oh wow, that's all terrible. But what if I still really, really want to wear blackface? I'm just gonna go ahead and... ... *begins applying make-up*"

Honestly, I appreciate stupid shit like this. When I was in college I exclusively flew Southwest, and they regularly had "funny" flight attendants who would incorporate jokes into the safety lecture. I always found it amusing. I also frequently had the same dude who would make galloping horsey noises over the intercom…

At least I know I'll be fine. My best-friend's parents have a massive wine cellar. If it gets bad, they can have an accident. They are very old.

Exactly, she could so easily do that instead. There are loads of things she could do instead. Like fucking right off, she could do that instead. I hope she does, in fact, fuck all the way off.

Psst, hey fat kids: you didn't hear it from me, but I hear shaving cream sprayed on car paint can really leave a permanent message, if you know what I mean. Also, did you know your local butcher will sell you all sorts of delightful organ meats in bulk? Maybe you have a local neighbor you'd like to share this fun…

I flew into a blind feminist rage at Toys-R-Us the other day when I went to get a birthday present for my friend's 4 year old daughter. I knew that everyone else was getting her pink princessy shit, so I was like, No! I'm going to get her a smart kid toy! Science! She's going to be a scientist!

Now, when I was a kid,…

Oddly enough, the only thing that makes me really ragey is stupid man people who blame everything on PMS. Grrrr...

or....kittens the size of tootsie rolls??? soooo tinyyyyyyyy

Laura, I needed this tonight! Thank you for coming through with some quality squee.

Hey. If you make comments about boobs, or fapping, or anything else of a similar nature, I'm going to remove your comment. If it's bad, or I catch you doing it again, I'm going to ban your account.

I'm Fascinated by your Capitalization choices.

This reminds me that my mom used to tell me not to sit like a frog, because I used to like sitting with my legs up and spread wide apart. For years I've been glad she never used the term "ladylike" or "like a princess" when it came to my behavior. I think she knew that growing up with only brothers was going to…

$500 for kissing, $10,000 for snuggling.

Or in her words, "If I started defending lies, I would be in a constant state of defending myself

Me at every bar ever.

It is true, tho, before that movie I was all 'wow that seems like a truly wonderful thing to go up in outer space and see what a beautiful, fragile world we live in and think about how mystifying the infinite, wondrous power of the universe is; I would truly give anything to experience that, even for one heartbeat of…