Yes! And I would assume that if anything, vegetarians are better informed than many meat eaters because they want to make sure they don’t accidentally ingest meat! I learned what gelatin is made of from a vegetarian.

I have to go with the thirsty waitress. I admire the author. If a waitress did that to my BF and me, I’d let her have it.

It’s not just silly or snobby, it’s wrong. It is objectively incorrect. Believing in the flying spaghetti monster is silly. Demanding that your champagne be from the Champagne region of France and not accepting other sparkling whites is snobby. Thinking bourbon and scotch aren’t whiskey is wrong.

As the gf/author of the thirsty waitress (so glad there is a term for this now) I wish I had let her have it. But at 17, I was a chicken.

It absolutely is. “I don’t want your meatballs” is my new favorite way to tell someone to fuck off.

Didn't know calling in dead was a thing. Totally trying that out tomorrow.

In honor of Kylie’s new hair, here’s my favorite blonde joke:

“I’ve gotten all my sisters on it and all my friends.”

How to look like Kylie: Look at Kim’s Instagram/Twitter pictures from six months ago.

You know, I’m always worried that going too far with the makeup and hair and pushup bra just ages me... and I think I’m right. When this 18 year-old looks 30, I can’t imagine how sad I would look.

Were you all, “hey, everyone really seemed to like that menu, Dave. What did you think, Dave? Were you a fan of it, Dave? I think it could’ve used some more garlic, Dave.”

“What’s the most Canadian thing you have?”

Clearly, they wanted exotic food that day.

We’ve all been there. Mine was the one time I was shelving books at the library, wearing my work badge and (a rarity) a t-shirt with the library’s logo on it. A patron came up and asked “Do you work here?” Given that I was having a bad day and it was about the five hundredth time I had heard that question, I just sort…

I've been looking for an alligator and party hat restaurant for AGES. Now I know where to find one!

For about two seconds, my coffee-deprived brain thought this was Jared from Subway. What a clusterfuck that would be.

1) Use the coupons for the hottest salsa you can get.

I had this pair of asshole brothers come in last night and they tipped me in coupons for free salsa because I had “such a sweet and spicy smile”. Their bill was over $100.

“Finally, one Friday, he said, “Let me borrow it this weekend! I need to move some stuff out of my garage.”