This is the best 500 days of Kristin yet

Just one month ago I waited on a table with a mom and kid. They ordered tacos but failed to mention the kid needed them without lettuce and tomato until after the order arrived at the table. Mom asks to have them replaced:

This is America. And in America, you have to open doors in order to walk through them. Okay?! Get it right the first time!

It’s like the universe is creating incidents just for us, only way it could have been better is if she declared that her children were allergic to green.

It’s still click bait though, we clicked because we thought it was ridiculous to arrest someone over Eminem lyrics

For once, a Gawker Media headline was actually highly understated. Color me surprised.

That Corgi butt, tho....

Can we just exclaim WHAT THE FUCK Kentucky for a moment.

And here I was thinking “if you look at this idiot’s family tree it probably overlaps with his wife’s more recently than it really needed to.”

If you look at this idiot’s family tree, it would be a straight line.

Well Joe Davis is a... is an... assbutt!

What on earth gave you that impression?

And now back to Mr. Davis, who on Friday morning held a sign outside the Rowan County Courthouse that read, “Welcome to Sodom and Gomorrah

I’m willing to bet money that, if you look at this idiot’s family tree, his family was against letting “colored people” have equal rights 40 years ago and made sure that everyone knew they didn’t like how the government was “picking on” them.

The clerk, Kim Davis of Rowan County, Ky., was ordered detained for contempt of court and later rejected a proposal to allow her deputies to process same-sex marriage licenses that could have prompted her release.

I don’t think I’ve called someone a butt since grade three. That’s right up there with dickweed.

Tyga may be “Stimulated,” but his wealth is simulated.

Goddamit Kim, now Jesus has to pick up the slack since there’s one less person in the office. He’s definitely not going to be able to slide out early the Friday before a 3 day weekend.

So generally using “thirsty” to mean painfully desperate for attention just makes my head hurt (get off my lawn!), but the word was pretty much invented to describe Miley Cyrus.

Ew I wouldn’t want to sit on ANYTHING