Working for a land conservation nonprofit and partnering with the land management agencies, you would not believe the complaints people have. My favorite was the gentleman who repeatedly called, demanding to know what our plan was to stop the earthquakes in the region.

I posted this on some other gawker site once, but my friend owns a smaller boutique-type hotel on Miami Beach. He was once berated by a family checking out who told him that they would never recommend his hotel and planned to post bad reviews... because it had rained every day of their vacation. In Miami. In August.…

For those arguing whether it’s piss or not, it’s actually unicorn juice from the other pleasure organ. SETTLE DOWN.

I need to verify this about your wife.

Yeah I think the research stated that the fluid had some urea in it and therefore was pee, which is dumb because sweat has urea in it too and we don’t go calling that piss.

once you see someone hiding stolen merchandise under a baby, nothing surprises you about how far humans will go to get something for free.

LOL @ “nipple dicks”

Being vegan is about reducing animal exploitation as much as possible. So I can’t do anything about animal ingredients in the wheels of the buses I ride to and from work. I can’t do anything about what fertilizers are used on the food I eat, especially as growing my own food isn’t an option. However, I CAN avoid…

““My husband and I are vegan. My daughter is vegetarian and both of them are allergic to gluten, lactose, shellfish, soya, onions, peppers and GM foods.””

It’s considered bad form, but then so is being an asshole, which this lady was, so ... eh.

Turns out, the phone was a plastic fake and the effing wallet was empty. So basically, they schemed about screwing me over well ahead of time. Yay for humans!

I had a customer once that told me, upon sitting down, that she was vegan. No problem, it was California and I was used to that. The thing was, our pizza dough used honey (probably because the sweeter dough when combined with the metric ton of sugar used in the marinara created a pizza more like candy than food). We…

Next week will be Revenge, so while not light, it’ll definitely be cathartic.

The truly American thing would be to charge for ketchup but give your richer customers loopholes to pay much less for it.

Salad for lunch today.

The Man and His Daughter Walk Away, Hopefully Forever

“You sat through 45 minutes of a 90 minute movie and you NOW want your money back?”

Wouldn’t free ketchup actually be commie? Charging for it is very American and capitalist.

The burger scam one is exactly why restaurants end up with a policy of “You ate more than a little bit, we don’t believe you when you claim it was terrible.” The couple of times we’ve had to send food back it was clear within a bite or two that there was something wrong.

100 combo meals at McDonald’s? Really. Jesus, if you’ve got 100 drunk people to feed, order pizzas like a normal person.