I used to run a big retail store with a zero tolerance shoplifting policy. Had to call police every time. Funny how many wealthy people were arrested or ticketed. The prosecutor told me to let her know who was a pain in the ass so she could get them max penalties. The wealthy white ladies all got fined, took…

I noticed when I went into a store a few days again a woman was following me around. Clueless me didn’t think anything of. Not even when she started asking me if she could keep the items I was buying near the register. I buy my things and leave. Then I start to think why was she doing that for me? Was she being nice…

Lord! One of my friends is a recreational shoplifter. The woman and her wife make a good $160,000 with no kids and she will hit up Michael’s before school starts and just walk out with loads of shit. I went to the grocery store with her once and she stuffed steaks down her pants. I didn’t know until we got out the…

The last round trip flight I had with them both times I missed connecting flights because they couldn’t find the pilot and then they were filling out paperwork. I got stranded overnight both times. Then they didn’t want to offer me a flight until 5pm the following day. I told them to fuck right off demanded a refund…

I dream of packing a giant luggage full of glitter.

They stole it because you are clearly a very important person. You had a flask with not only your monogram on it, but your WHOLE NAME.

*Anything* worth a damn in in my carry on, including enough clothes to get me through two days if necessary and whatever my current favorite/irreplaceable jeans are. I swear the happiest moment of any trip is when you actually see your checked luggage cruising ‘round that baggage carousel.

I’ll tell you who: the TSA agent intending to steal your identity

*comes to Kitchenette*

Australia has a waffle deficiency probably because waffles aren’t actively trying to kill you. From what I understand of our upside-down neighbors, they only like things that are cute, deadly, a combination of both, and beer.

Many years ago at the group home for developmentally disabled teens where I worked there was a resident who really, really wanted to go to the best steak house in the city for his 18th birthday. He had behavior and anger issues, but was determined to earn that birthday dinner, and he managed it. So another staff…

Jesus Christ, Peanut Lady, your kid has an allergy serious enough for you to be toting an epipen around, how the fuck do you “forget’ his allergy? That poor kid.

CANNOT UNSEE

She’s trying to get some use out of her pre-boob job tops.

That looks painful to me. Like the edge is right where her nipples should be.

Just because you can physically fit into a garment doesn’t mean the garment fits

No one cares how many products you counted. You aren’t the arbiter of acceptable numbers of beauty products. Some women like to use products, some don’t. It isn’t your place to decide how people think, or how they should think about themselves. Get over it and go back to your troll cave.

Reuse and recycle, man. Not all that stuff has to go in a landfill. The Lush products in particular push customers to bring their containers back in exchange for a free face mask.

Perhaps I can make you less sad. I have a somewhat involved skincare routine. I didn’t always but I recently got into it. I don’t do it because I feel like I HAVE to at all. It feels awesome. I feel clean and moisturized and good when I do it all and I go to sleep feeling that way.

Um, team #ALLTHEMAKEUP. As I say to my "natural makeup" loving partner: "Um, yeah you're gonna know I'm wearing makeup, and then you're gonna tell me it looks great."