When I label a non-fat drink, I assume the person wants the regular syrup, unless they tell me skinny. I don't know if the people on bar are doing something else, but when I get there, your non-fat, non-skinny drink will have the regular syrup, by Jove.

Five dollars is FOUR McChickens, dude!

There was a Yelp (?) reviewer that was included a few weeks back, and he wrote into the coments defending his horrible review and terrible behaviour. (And the terrible behaviour was evident in his own description.) I think that was BCO...

When would linguini season even be? I'm planning to make lasagna this week. I need to know if it's a good time.

See, that's why buffalo wings are so inexpensive. Each buffalo has hundreds and hundreds of those little wings to lift up its big heavy body, so a single buffalo supplies an entire busy restaurant for a night.

i am definitely calling it breakfast soup from now on.

That is mystifying. Just like those people who weigh themselves in the gym, IN THEIR CLOTHES. I do not understand this. Clearly the only proper way to weigh yourself is 1) completely naked 2) just having used the toilet and 3) preferably first thing in the morning just after having worked out. Right?

We were planning a Friendsgiving and our friend told us that her date "doesn't eat meat" so we made sure to include a vegan protein dish. It turned out he meant that he doesn't eat meat as in steaks, whole chicken/turkey, etc. You know meat that started as raw when you bought it. He was very happy with the hotpockets…

My cat does that, she is so rude.

No, that last one is okay. Bowls are only for soup.

Ah yes, the customer inquiring about the linguini season must have seen that old short spaghetti harvest hoax film from about 50 years ago. Fooled a lot of people.

This story of a dumb customer is not from the many dumb customers I waited on over the years, but from my dumb acquaintance.

This one comes via my husband, who this actually happened to:

I'm having my first "real" office-experience job in America, and I knew it was going to be oh so much fun my first day of lunch, when a woman came into the kitchen while I was microwaving my meal, announced to the room, "Don't look! I'm going to weigh myself!" and then proceeded to get on the BATHROOM SCALE that I…

OH MY GOD YOU CAN'T JUST CALL SOMETHING SKINNY AND THINK YOU WILL BE SKINNY BY EXTENSION.

It's one thing to have a virgin grasshopper, daiquiri, etc.

That works. As long as they are not crunchy. Because allergies.

Guest: I don't eat meat.

So I'm assuming that no meat and no vegetable person is also on a gluten-free diet. So get them some unsliced whole wheat bread!