Wait, are they implying that every random guy’s boner’s preferences do not rise to the level of constituting hard news?

Love him! My 17 year old daughter wore a dress with spaghetti straps yesterday and when a school administrator told her to cover up she asked him if her shoulders were turning him on. She's a sassy thing and I love it.

True story: I did military Honors for a woman who was in the marine corps in ww2. She ended up being a colonel. Can you imagine how tough that means she was? All veterans plaque thingys look the same. They have name, rank, service, years of birth and death, and a quote. Hers was, hand to god, “it’s five o’clock…

When I was on active duty, I was in the honor guard for three years. So I went to about 1500 funerals. I guarantee that approximately 1499 of them would have checked the strippers and snakes box were it available to them.....

By being cheap as fuck, screwing over his employees and skirting the law to the point that legal rulings are necessary? Yeah, it’s likely that being incredibly greedy and ethically challenged is the reason he got where he is.

A dude with 44 Dunkin’ Donuts franchises wants a little more cash?

Congratulations on the impending arrival of your baby. Condolences on the continuing man-baby—tell him to rub some dirt on it and walk it off. Geez.

I’m having a really hard time believing that this is real and not some sort of weird Internet version of Munchausen by proxy. (Munchausen by proxy server, maybe?)

Ι Αma Δouche.

That’s a garment’s interpretation of Georgia O’Keeffe’s interpretation of female anatomy.

Sometimes.

There's a twitter post out there, that I liked when it was copied to tumblr. It said something like "If I had a nickel for every time someone older than me told me millennials are lazy/greedy/entitled I'd have enough money to buy a house in the market they ruined."

YOU WOULD WILL BE EATED

you’re having sex wrong then, pal.

So who am I victory banging?

This wasn't really a disaster, but it was kind of funny.

Not me, but my cousin: She wanted to take romantic outdoor pictures underneath a tree. You can probably guess where this is going... we hear a "pitpitpitpit" and wonder "is it about to rain?" for all of two seconds before realizing that definitely was NOT rain. A whole flock of birds emptied their bowels on her…

It's not really for safety, it's for safety theater. Keep on making it difficult. Maybe eventually they'll get the point and stop this nonsense.

I am a white lady with extremely thick hair and more than once I have had my hair searched. And when they mess up my hair do, I don't bother to straighten it out during the whole process to accentuate the effects of personal invasion to my fellow travelers. I hate it, but I hate it even more when my handicapped friend…

I dunno - you could claim that you once ate George Clooney or Angelina Jolie and it wouldn't be a lie.