I think the better answer is, "Because God didn't refill your Diet Pepsi four times..."

My brother-in-law actually did something similar. He proposed to my sister at the closing of their first house (in the front yard, naturally, not inside with the lawyers and seller). It was pretty romantic and a very exciting day for both of them.

That's more or less what my wife and I did. We got engaged super-quickly, and the proposal was completely spontaneous, so I hadn't had the time to save or shop for a rock. Once we got married a couple months later (hey, I said "super-quickly," and I meant it), it started to seem less and less necessary. We had…

Welcome to the club. My wife is better educated (though I still get to point out that my SATs/LSATs were higher to salvage some dignity), makes way more money, and is kicking all kinds of ass in her career while I'm more or less treading water.

Question for the other commenters: Is Chelsea Handler's show any good these days? I liked her first two books, despite an annoying amount of overlap with her stand-up (which I liked), but was completely bored by her third. I liked her show at first, but it started to grate on me after the first few months. I…

"Notice that I clearly said that I hope the actual study is more nuanced."

That actually reminds me of this fiasco:

How do you know there's "much seriously wrong" with the study if your only criticism relates to NBC News' phrasing in a story about the study? The press release from the AICR is much less ambiguous.

I think that all of the seasons are actually online. It's just that the most recent season ("Burning Down the House") hasn't made it to Netflix/Hulu/Amazon/whatever yet.

Oh, I don't wait tables anymore, but I'll be sure to add that to my e-mail signature block, just for kicksies...

Apparently, some Christians believe that Jesus really gets off on pranking members of the service industry.

I waited tables in Lynchburg, Virginia, one of the "buckles" of the Bible Belt. The after-church crowd was always horrendous. They'd routinely under-tip, snidely ask why I was working that day instead of going to church, leave gospel tracts instead of cash tips (even the maddening "fake" tip) and generally act like…

Yeah, that was more or less my assumption.

Random observation: I feel like stripper noms de guerre are starting to skew more towards the "real." When I first visited a strip club about 12 years ago, it was all car brands, gemstones and flora. These days, it seems like many of the names could actually appear on their birth certificates.

"New research from Pew shows that not only do three out of every four Amurricans born between 1973 and 1995 have ink . . ."

That was a really interesting article. Thanks for that.

Hell is being stuck in an elevator with Colin Quinn?

Gotta love that Willy-Wonka's-fucked-up-boat-ride scene at the 0:35 mark...

They put Siri in a Teddy Ruxpin. That appears to be literally what they did.

That...was not it.