Meh. So long as men keep expecting that women be "absurdly hairless," I'm not going to begrudge the ladies their Taylor Lautners and Channing Tatums.

Like this, right?

So, do you go straight to the fourth wave after this, or will they release 3.4, 3.5 and so on as the great feminist minds work out the bugs in this version?

Definitely. It's after that sixth straight episode of SVU, when you've spent the afternoon seeing children stuffed into garbage bags and have lost faith in humanity, and watching creepy depictions of serial rapists has taken sex right off the table, that you need that special someone on the couch next to you.

Well, at least it was only "annoying" and didn't launch you into a full-on existential crisis.

Dude...what?

"They do some really quality things."

People usually want to be wanted by the other person a little bit more than they want them.

Well, you know what the Bible says. Nothing gets you over the last guy like getting under the next.

Good point. I've been in a monogamous relationship for five years now, but when I was single, I was furiously racking up bedpost notches like I was going to earn an extra life if I got 100. I wasn't keeping my penis in its original plastic while I killed time waiting for The One.

It's not necessarily that he JUST wanted to have sex with you. It's entirely possible that he went on those initial dates with you thinking that there was some actual romantic potential and then, for whatever reason, decided that you two wouldn't work out as a couple. Most guys will stick around for at least one or…

But will it mighty my penis?

Oh, so they've made the Sea Swine from the movie Toys a reality then, huh?

Yeah, I watched...then rewound the DVR and watched again...then rewound again and recorded it on my phone to send to all my friends...

No, you're thinking of honky grandmas...

Yikes. I wouldn't rush to judgment on "dumb," but, man, that is shocking. Even if you're not a science enthusiast and/or are the product of a crappy educational system, you should have been exposed to a larger number of them through pop culture alone.

" ...which asked students to make and thoughtfully explain their own pornography projects for the final"

Whoops, never mind. You got it.

Oh, I think you missed one: the refrigeratable vampire sparkle-dong.