This headline and entire article were written by Mad Libs.

So is the Titans’ insistence on drafting and signing wide receivers with flippers where their arms should be.

Specimen, indeed!

Yes, but he got caught in the residual Friday traffic.

Oh - hey, that’s so true.  He could be one of those “I only need 2 hours of sleep a night” guys who thinks it’s a sign of “genius” or something, in complete denial of the fact that sleep deprivation has made him insane.

Holding super early meetings is one of the things that incompetent morons do because they think it’s what successful, motivated people do.

Plus now he has the whole day to himself!

Snyder had to get it done before the sun came up and he was back in his coffin. 

Kind of unprofessional not to do it first thing in the morning, and instead wait until he was two hours into eating tape.

No. Not in the least. Thomas is upright and the QB is moving, jumping and just happens to take a chin shot and it was “lights out”. That’s why my dad always taught me to take down dumbass bullies with a shot to the chin. I didn’t think it would actually work, but Dad dropped like a sack of potatoes.

I also googled, and it turns out google is a search engine.

I mean, if Acuna had pointed at Martinez and done the D-X crotch chop towards him, you might have a point. Taking an extra couple of seconds to admire the fact that you just hit a baseball halfway to the moon doesn’t exactly qualify as poor sportsmanship in my book.

Hot Take: That ball was played perfectly off the wall and he would have been nabbed at 2nd.

Give up a 455 foot home run to a man, and his respect for you as a player is bound to wane just a little.

Dude. If he respects the game and plays the right way - he runs out the homer three seconds faster. But is also on second base.

right up until some clown stretched a camera cable across the ice and ruined everything

literal sewage treatment facility

he’ll be back next year after changing his name to Metta World War. 

It’s amazing how Louie Anderson disappears into the character.