Probably not getting a wedding invite either.

Rich widow, poor widow, black widow... We’ll take whatever form we can get!

Dwight’s a dick. A very photogenic, allergy-prone dick.

Things the Oscars will do:

I wish people would check comment history. Thank you. Public service.

They were already in church; how many more prayers do they need?? It’s time for more action and less praying.

Man, if anywhere was going to have a magical bulletproof blanket of thoughts and prayers, it’d be a church on Sunday morning. I’m starting to get the sense that maybe those thoughts and prayers aren’t working as intended.

Trump absolutely does not know the word “apoplectic”....

Don’t forget Andy Signore, the creator of Screen Junkies!

The neutral pocket dimension beneath a shapeless time void just happened to be unguarded? Michael can blame it on good being stupid all he wants, but my theory is The Good Place knows exactly what Michael is up to and is letting him do it to see if he can become a better not person.

Huh, my favourite magician has always been Harry Houdidn’tgrabmyass.

San Andreas: “this is absolutely one of the best movies that came out in 2015"

Can you please SHUT THE FUCK UP and let women talk about what they know and live?

Nah, it makes perfect sense. Their stance on abortion is: “you should have kept your legs closed slut! You shouldn’t be able escape the consequences of your sin.” Plus, they HATE that the country isn’t as religious as it used to be, so they’ll take any excuse to turn the country back into the Andy Griffith Show. Take…

“Don’t make a scene!” Translation: “Don’t let others become aware of my shortcomings in public!”

• Megyn Kelly asked Valerie Bertinelli, “What is muddling?”

Dotard is an example of a word that’s done an amazing job that is being recognized more and more, I notice.

As they say on Jez, no one cares about your boner.

Yeah, he’s an acolyte of Ledger’s Joker. 

“Just think of California, and that wonderful community property law....”