This just dawned on me. Jared Kushner looks like Orin from Parks and Rec.

“take off ur cardigan... take off ur second cardigan”

The most successful people are those who are good at plan B.

Now that President Obama has moved on, it’s actually nice to see the new leader of the free world sitting in the Oval Office, and also Donald Trump.

What Trump offers is less a Budget Proposal and more a Modest Proposal.

He, like most of Trump’s people, is bored unless people are waving dollar bills in his face, much like a stripper.

I like how you he equates CEO optimism with an across the board boost in morale. “Guys, I can’t wait to go to my abusive minimum wage retail job where I am forced to shove credit cards down people’s throats because our CEO is looking forward to scoring a new yacht for his island.”

I hate male junk in my inbox too.

I guess his hands are welcome in Iowa.

Oh, absolutely. As far as I’m concerned, Ivanka Trump is an active enabler of this mess.

As is the small hand...

“until we know what is happening.”

I’ve been mocking him on Twitter regularly. Watching our government right now is like watching a monkey try to fuck a doorknob.

I was kind of hoping that he would attend and die from a rage-stroke halfway through the opening remarks. Oh well, I guess I’ll just have to wait for Colonel Sanders to finish him off instead...

Gohmert is a very special snowflake, who would prefer not to be criticized in public, thank you very much. Also a coward.

This is why I will never feel bad about anyone making fun of Baron Trump, and I hope no school in DC takes him and all the kids around him hate him. Until Trump cares about other people’s kids, I won’t give two shits about his.

Man, i hated rotary phones. You had to start all the way from the beginning if you made a mistake and didn’t dial the reich number.

Of course 44.5 doesn’t want to be dictator, he just wants to restrict a free press.

From what I hear she does have a lot of extra inventory on hand now.

He’s a former Navy SEAL. He knows a sinking ship when he sees one.