The basic issue is human decency: if you get arrested, you shouldn't be required to finger yourself.

"Its earliest incarnation hosted a web page about Ebola, inspired by the national scare that coincided with the movie Outbreak."

ARGH. I thought crayons were just for clown porn. Either way, the dog ate those crayons a few years back.

If it involved innocent children and potentially impacted their adult lives now, yes.

I guess the thing that bothers me most is her relating it now, and directly involving parties innocent and unaware at the time. It might be acceptable for a 7 year old to have interest in her sister's vagina. I just think it's uncool for a 28-year-old showboat to write about it now. Masturbation stories are funny,…

"But the key question in so many conflagrations was how they were managing to go up in flames."

In 1993, I was nearly was beat to death by racist skinheads in a mosh pit at a Mighty Mighty Bosstones concert. Dicky Barrett stopped the entire show to drag me out of the pit. This is absolutely a true story.

Great. Apparently my 9 year old son has a big box of potential Japanese tentacle porn in his room. Always nice to identify another parenting failure of mine.

It's a bad sign when a product makes me feel grateful I have Xfinity X1.

He has intense ideas involving sugar, salt, and your uterus. I'm telling you all through various posts here to watch the fuck out: this guy has impregnated Dilly Bars.

Yeah, but based on what he was doing behind that corn dog shack just now I would stay away from it. There is a reason that the couple in the background...the woman comforting that poor man...are walking away from the stand as fast as they can.

"McDonald's sent him to Oklahoma City, because there can be no penance worse than being sent to the state of Oklahoma."

Of course, as bad as a Kim Kardashian-styled toddler might sound, it has nothing on the talking Kanye doll in aisle 7.

Yeah, I hear you. It's difficult for anyone to provide an objective view of their place of employment and feel comfortable doing so.

yes, he did, and that made the original post way more fun for all of us.

All of us Deadspin lurkers were impressed, I can tell you that much.

I said 'potato skins'. Damn it.

Ma'am, can you please describe your attacker as specifically as possible?

Oh sweet Jesus. You are a terrible Satan.

Fuck. I know it's bye week, but you Packer fans need to STAY OUT OF VIKES THREADS.